


No Good Dirty Rotten Two Timing Cheater Captain

by pancake_surprise



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chaos, Dramatic Dodgeball Wars, Gen, Humor, Long-Suffering Sawamura Daichi, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Misunderstandings, Never Have I Ever, Training Camp, Truth or Dare, everyone is stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26392282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancake_surprise/pseuds/pancake_surprise
Summary: Word on the street is that Daichi was spotted with someone who isn't Suga-How many volleyball players does it take to solve the mystery of Daichi's illicit affair and confront him for his “two-timing” ways?Contains no actual cheating or two-timing, dirty, rotten, or otherwise.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 95
Kudos: 427
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	1. The Incident

**Hinata: The Incident**

Hinata, regardless of how many games they play, win or lose, still can’t get a grip on his stomach come game days. His stomach riots the moment they’re on the bus, the anxiety making it churn and bubble until it threatens to force its way out. He is well acquainted with nearly every gym bathroom in Miyagi Prefecture making his mad dash to the nearest bathroom a piece of cake. For once, to his relief, he doesn’t run into any opposing team members, frightening or otherwise. 

What Hinata does run into is far, far worse. 

The hallway is dimly lit, shrouding much of it in darkness. At the far end, Hinata can just barely make out two figures; one of them has their back against the wall, the other lifting their chin and caging them against the wall with their body. Hinata, with no easy escape route in sight, ducks behind a trash can and tries very hard not to make a sound. 

“How about one for good luck?” 

It’s _Daichi._

Hinata peeks around the trash can just in time to see Daichi lean in and-

**Yamaguchi: 5 Hours Post Incident**

The bus ride home is tense. Yamaguchi can’t really put a finger on why but if he’s honest, he doesn’t particularly care. Sometimes Hinata and Kageyama are just _like that._

Yamaguchi shuts his eyes, resting his head on the back of the seat- 

“Psst, Yamaguchi.” Hinata shoves an intricately folded up piece of paper into his hands. 

_[[IMPORTANT_

_READ IMMEDIATELY_

_emergency meeting for all first and second years ONLY. meet in the parking lot after the bus gets back to school. do NOT tell any third years!!! eat this note after you read it!!! P.s. pls tell tsukishima, i don't want him to yell at me on the bus, thx <3<3<3]] _

Yamaguchi sighs and hands the note to Tsukki. So much for a relaxing evening. 

**Kageyama: 5.5 hours post Incident**

Kageyama had the misfortune of catching Hinata muttering to himself about The Incident on the bus ride back to Karasuno. Burdened with this information, he goes out of his way to absolutely, under no circumstances, make direct eye contact with either Daichi-san or Suga-san. 

“If I didn’t know any better,” says Suga, pulling his bag up with one hand and adjusting his scarf with the other, “I’d think you were plotting something.” Kageyama fixes his gaze to the ground and shrugs. Kageyama isn’t exactly known for his ability to look natural, but oh does he try. 

“Uh,” Hinata stammers. “We’re just, uh, doing team bonding!” Hinata was adamant that the third years not catch wind of their super secret meeting set to take place the moment they leave. 

Suga-san shrugs, smiling. “If you say so.” 

“Have fun,” Asahi-san says, waving goodbye. 

“Don’t stay too late,” says Daichi-san. “I’ll know if you don’t.” 

Kageyama watches the third years until they’re just three little specks in the distance. 

“Why the hell are we here?” shouts Kageyama the moment the third years are just three little specks in the distance. 

Hinata swallows, looking solemn. 

“You guys probably want to sit down.”

**Asahi: 5.75 hours post Incident**

"Were they acting..." he rubs the back of his neck. "Uhh..." 

"Strange?" says Daichi at the same time Suga says "Guilty as fuck?" 

"Ahhh, yeah. That." 

"Oh absolutely." 

**Ennoshita: 6 Hours Post Incident**

Ennoshita deserves an award. Maybe two. No one tells you that signing up for the school volleyball team means nominating yourself for unending babysitting duty. Or that the “babies” are the same age as you, maybe one year younger. 

Ennoshita would really rather be at home, taking a hot shower or passing out in his warm bed for the next 10-12 hours. Instead, he’s sitting cross-legged in the school parking lot surrounded by a rowdy bunch of teenagers. He lets out a long-suffering sigh and watches Hinata pace. 15 steps down. 15 steps up. Repeat. Hinata is rarely so agitated and Ennoshita isn’t sure he’s ever seen this worked up. Not when Daichi banned him from volleyball. Not when Kageyama or Tsukishima egg him on during practice. This, whatever it is, definitely takes the cake. 

“Uh, Hinata? Was there something you wanted to share with the class?” says Ennoshita after watching Hinata start his 20th lap down the parking lot. Maybe if they get this over with quick he can still make it home in time to get an extra hour of sleep.

“Yeah, some of us would like to go home and sleep,” says Tsukkishima. 

Hinata halts in the middle of his 15th trek across the parking lot, whipping around to face the group. A knot forms in his stomach, Ennoshita doesn’t know exactly what he expected, but it isn’t the pained expression Hinata wears. It looks unnatural on his face. 

“I have some bad news,” Hinata says. 

Ennoshita absentmindedly chews on his bottom lip. Judging by the tremor in Hinata’s voice, this might actually be bad. 

“Daichi and Suga are going to get a divorce!” 

Ennoshita chokes. _“What?”_

**Tanaka: 6.25 hours post Incident**

“Woah, woah, _what_?” 

Hinata wrings his hands and goes back to pacing. It sets Tanaka on edge. 

“Daichi is cheating on Suga-san!” Hinata repeats.

Tanaka, despite his often loud and boisterous nature suggesting otherwise, thinks things through. At least, the really important things. And _this_ is a Very Important Thing. He reigns in his knee jerk reaction to find Daichi and give him a piece of his mind, or maybe his fist, in favor of asking Hinata for more detail. 

“I saw Daichi kissing somebody who wasn’t Suga-san!” Hinata shouts in one quick breath. “Before the practice match this morning.”

This time, Tanaka very much does not reign this in this knee jerk reaction. Something hot ignites in his chest, flaring through his veins. He is going to kill Daichi. 

“If we go now we can still catch h-” Noya says before getting roughly cut off by Ennoshita. 

Ennoshita fists a hand into the back of their shirt collars, hauling them both back. Experience tells him that it is fruitless to fight against Ennoshita but he tries anyway, feet skirting the ground but going nowhere. “That,” Ennoshita fixes his grip on the back of Tanaka’s collar, “does _not_ sound like Daichi. Before we go murdering anybody, Hinata, are you absolutely sure that’s what you saw?”

“Yeah,” Hinata says, deflating.

“Oh,” Ennoshita says.

“Do you really think they will get a divorce?” Yachi asks with watery eyes. 

“They won't get a divorce!" says Tanaka. 

"Yeah!" yells Noya. 

"BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO KILL HIM," they shout in unison.

Yachi squeaks. “But, if you murder Daichi, who will be captain? And then what if Suga gets so angry or sad that he leaves too? Will you be the new captain, Ennoshita? But who will be vice-captain!" 

"Of course!" Tanaka says. "Chikara will make a great captain!" 

“WAHH! I didn’t think of that!” Hinata yells. “They’re going to get divorced and leave us behind, what are we supposed to do?” 

With Narita and Kinoshita looking a little green around the gills, Yachi and Hinata crying on each other’s shoulders, and Kageyama looking absolutely shell-shocked, Tanaka makes a silent promise to make Daichi pay... even if he has to wait until Ennoshita isn’t looking.

**Tsukishima: 6.5 hours post Incident**

Most resources in this world are painfully finite. The oil derived from the long decomposed bodies of the dinosaurs, crushed under the weight of the earth's crust. The money people devote their whole lives chasing, never enough to satisfy their unending list of wants and desires. 

Stupidity is not one of those resources. Stupidity is infinite. An unending fountain free for the taking. And these idiots have no qualm with taking drink after drink after drink.

“Tch," he sneers. This entire charade is a waste of time and he has an infinite list of things he'd rather be doing than this to these idiots continue talking.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi elbows him in the side. 

A silent conversation passes between them. 

_Seriously?_

_No, don't be dumb,_ and then _but don't be rude._

Tsukishima rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t see what any of us are supposed to do about it,” he shrugs. “Figure out who Daichi was kissing before you kill him. Come on Yamaguchi.” 

“Tsukki’s right,” Yamaguchi says, walking backward next to Tsukishima. “We need to find out who he was kissing before committing a felony.” 

**Noya: 1 day, 5 hours post Incident**

“I know we were trying to handle this ourselves but hear me out, I think we should ask Asahi what to do.”

“You’re kidding right?” says Ennoshita. 

“What?” Noya shrugs. “He could help! He knows Daichi and Suga better than any of us.” 

“That can only go one of two ways: 1) he bursts into tears, eventually drowning us all when we’re unable to console him, or 2) he murders Daichi himself and, even if we all dogpile on him, there’s no way we’d be able to stop him.”

**Yachi, 3 days, 7 hours post Incident:**

“Do you think someone at another school might know anything? Daichi and Suga have friends at rival schools, right?”

“Yachi, you’re a genius!” Hinata shrieks.

**Kenma: 3 days, 7.5 hours post Incident**

**_Shoyou:_ ** _I have a question_

 **Kenma:** ok

 **_Shoyou:_ ** _can I ask you???_

 **Kenma:** yea

 **_Shoyou:_ ** _Can u ask Kuroo-San if he knows anything abt Daichi’s love life?_

 **Kenma:** you want me to what 

**_Shoyou:_ ** _kenma!! It’s important. We think daichi is cheating on Suga but we gotta find out WHO before we can confront him about it!!_

“Hey Kuro?” 

**Akaashi: 3 days, 7.25 hours post Incident**

**_Kozume Kenma_ ** _: yo_

 **Akaashi:** hey

 **Akaashi:** what's up?

 **_Kozume Kenma:_ ** _Shouyou texted me_

 **Akaashi** : isn’t that normal for him??

 **_Kozume Kenma_ ** _: yeah but_

 ** _Kozume Kenma_ ** _: he said something weird today_

 **Akaashi** : ???

**_Kozume Kenma:_** _it was about Karasuno's captain_

**Akaashi:** Sawamura? 

**_Kozume Kenma:_ ** _yeah_

**_Kozume Kenma:_** _shouyou saw daichi cheating_

 **Akaashi:** like those guys from nohebi? 

**Akaashi** : are they trying to block the ref’s line of sight? 

**Akaashi:** why would hinata tell you that?

 **_Kozume Kenma:_ ** _... no like daichi is cheating on their vice-captain sugawara_

 **Akaashi:** he got a new vice captain in secret?

 **_Kozume Kenma_ ** _: akaashi no_

 **_Kozume Kenma:_ ** _shouyou saw someone *kissing* daichi that wasn’t Sugawara_

 **Akaashi:** ohh

 **Akaashi:** shit

”Who ya texting, Akaashi?” 

“Oh, Bokuto-san, good timing,”

**Kuroo Created: Volleyball Mystery Squad**

**Kuroo Added:** Kenma, Akaashi, Bokuto, Hinata, Ennoshita, and Yaku

 **Ennoshita Added** : Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Narita, Kinoshita, Tanaka, Noya, Yachi, and Kageyama

**Tsukishima:** This is a terrible idea

 **Yamaguchi:** Tsukki!

 **Tsukishima:** shut up Yamaguchi

 **Hinata:** !!!! we gotta get to the bottom of this! 

**Kuroo:** i know group chats are generally a shit show but idk how we’re supposed to solve this puzzle from separate cities without one

 **Yaku:** I don’t even know you people

 **Bokuto:** but yaku!!! you know me and akaashi!!!!

 **Kuroo:** @yaku I told you, this is the volleyball mystery squad- all that matters is that we’re all here to get to the bottom of that no good dirty rotten two timing captain

 **Yaku:** I hate you sometimes

 **Kuroo:** you love me

 **Yaku:** no

 **Kuroo:** 😇

 **Kuroo** : Anyway, down to business. Have you heard of the reputation of the captain from Aobajohsai?

 **Hinata:** you mean the grand king?!?! 

**Kuroo:** yeah oikawa or something

 **Kageyama:** yes, I know Oikawa-san. 

**Bokuto:** oh yea! i’ve heard rumors about him too!!

 **Ennoshita** : all the way in Tokyo? 

**Kuroo:** word gets around

 **Akaashi:** the volleyball world is rather small when you think about it

 **Yamaguchi:** huh, crazy

 **Tanaka:** wait wait do you mean his reputation as a dick??

 **Kenma:** I think Kuroo is referring to Oikawa’s reputation as a flirt. 

**Kenma** : Aobajousai isn’t too far from Karasuno, right? And you guys have played practice matches and all that before? 

**Tanaka:** WAIT WAIT WAIT

 **Noya:** do you really think that daichi would date OIKAWA?

 **Noya:** GROSS

 **Narita:** hmm, yeah, too shallow maybe? 

**Kuroo** : idk but if his reputation is big enough to precede him even in tokyo...

 **Yachi:** did Kageyama go to the same middle school as Oikawa-san? 

**Hinata** : you’re right!! Maybe he would know about the rumors!!

 **Kuroo:** spill the tea @kageyama

 **Kageyama** : the what

 **Akaashi** : ignore him

 **Akaashi:** in middle school did you hear rumors about oikawa? 

**Kinoshita:** yeah, is it true? 

**Kageyama:** I don’t understand. Why would I know anything about Oikawa-san’s personal life? 

**Kenma:** okay, that makes sense

 **Kenma:** but did other people ever say anything. like gossip? 

**Kageyama:** Oh, yeah, people always talked about how he was a very talented and dedicated setter. 

**Kuroo** : ...

 **Ennoshita** : ...

 **Noya:** ...

 **Tanaka** : ...

 **Akaashi:** regardless, it might be a good idea to at least rule him out

 **Ennoshita** : i suppose it can’t hurt

 **Narita** : how the hell are we going to do that? 

**Kageyama: 4 days post Incident**

Kageyama didn’t really have an idea of what to expect when they began their quest to out Daichi’s cheating ways, but he never, in a million years, would have put, _call your former teammates’ teammate and hope they stay on the line long enough to ask questions while your current teammates watch on in eager anticipation,_ at the top of that list. 

“Please don’t make me do this,” he says. “Can’t anybody else do it?” 

“You’re the one who knows the most people at Aoba-Johsai,” says Yachi. “Sorry, Kageyama.” 

“I don’t even know Hanamaki-san though. Not any more than you guys do! I’ve only seen him on the volleyball court!” 

“Well, all of our phones are broken so it’s up to you!” Hinata says. Kageyama seriously doubts that. “You know what kind of reputation Oikawa has! We have to rule him out!” 

Kageyama groans. 

“It’s our only choice! Do you care about Suga-san or not? Do you know how much work Yachi put in to even find the phone number!! She had to search for days- _days_!” 

“Fine.” 

Kageyama punches the numbers into his phone. Being sure to invoke as much disdain as possible into a task as simple as pressing a few buttons. 

The line rings once. Twice.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Hanakaki-san? From Aoba Johsai high school?”

“Uhh, yeah?” 

“Um, this is, uh,” Kageyama stammers.

“Give me the phone,” Hinata shoves him, reaching with grabby hands toward the phone. 

“No, stupid Hinata, let me handle this! You were the one that made me call!” 

Hinata tackles him from behind, ripping the phone out of his hand at last. 

“No, Kageyama! You’re going to mess it up! This is our only chance!”

“Hi, Hanamaki-san? I know this is really weird but it’s Hinata Shouyou from Karasuno High School. Oh and also Yachi Hitoka, Yamaguchi Tadashi, and Kageyama Tobio.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

**Hanamaki: 4 days, .25 hours post Incident**

Hanamaki holds the phone away from his ear as the fighting starts up again. Mattsun raises an eyebrow, silently asking _is everything okay over there?_ Hanamaki shrugs and hits the speaker button.

“You wanted me to call, I called, give the damn phone back.”  
There’s more shuffling noises and then the sound of the phone being dropped, or perhaps thrown across the floor. He’s tempted to hang up but he stays on, hoping he’ll at least get a funny story out of the experience.

“Is that?” says Mattsun. 

Hanamaki nods grimly. “Unfortunately.”

“If you guys don’t knock it off, he’s going to hang up! And, in case you forgot, there is an important reason why we went through all the trouble to call.” Hanamaki doesn’t recognize this new voice. “Sorry to bother you and sorry about them,” the mystery voice says. “Oh, I’m Yamaguchi by the way. Anyway, these idiots were trying to ask you something important. And since they haven’t said so already, thank you so much for answering the phone. We’re really at a loss here and could use your help.” 

The newcomer- Yamaguchi- gives him the rundown. By the end of it, Hanamaki is torn between laughing and having sympathy for their very strange situation. A quick glance at Mattsun tells him he’s in the same predicament. 

“Yeah, okay, let me ask,” Hanamaki says. This is going to be good. “Hey, Oikawa?” Oikawa looks up from his homework but doesn’t disentangle himself from Iwaizumi who he’s draped over like some kind of swooning maiden. “Did you recently make out with Sawamura Daichi? Perhaps in a secluded hallway under the cover of darkness?” 

Oikawa’s face turns a bright shade of pink. “Did I _what_?” he shrieks, while Iwaizumi growls “excuse me?” simultaneously.

Hanamaki puts the phone back up to his ear. “Sorry, he said no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)
> 
> dearly beloved, we've gathered here to say our goodbyes  
> here he lies no one knew the crow  
> the late great captain of karasuno  
> on these nights when we celebrate that hoe  
> in that little gym in miyagi  
> we raise our glass  
> you bet your ass  
> toooooo  
> that cheatin' daichi
> 
> Reworked from ‘La Vie Bohem’ from the musical Rent 
> 
> Don’t ask me why... I don’t control the hyperfixation


	2. The Calvary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is something rotten  
> On your volleyball team  
> Who you gonna call?  
> Mystery squad!
> 
> If there's cheating afoot  
> And it don't look good  
> Who you gonna call?  
> Mystery squad!
> 
> I ain't afraid of no hoe!  
> I ain't afraid of no hoe!
> 
> If you witnessed scandal  
> In a dark hallway  
> Who you gonna call?  
> Mystery squad!
> 
> A liar captain  
> Leading your team, oh  
> Who you gonna call?  
> Mystery squad!
> 
> Reworked from The Ghostbusters theme... again don’t ask why... I can’t seem to stop now

**Volleyball Mystery Squad: 5 days post Incident**

**Kenma:** You need to start from the Sawamura's inner social circle and work your way out

 **Tanaka:** explain 

**Ennoshita:** _please_

 **Tanaka:** please kenma-san, beguile us with your plan

 **Kenma:** The volleyball team- Karasuno high school- the teams at the practice match- volleyball teams broadly- and if you haven’t figured it out by then unfortunately you’re going to have to cast the net into the outside world

 **Hinata:** you mean... outside of volleyball??? Is that even allowed? Can volleyball players date people who aren’t volleyball players? 

**Kageyama:** of course not dumbass

 **Tsukishima:** oh my god

 **Ennoshita:** right, that makes sense

 **Ennoshita:** and by that, I mean what Kenma said 

**Ennoshita** : I'm confident that it isn't anybody on the volleyball team. Any objections? 

**Kageyama:** almost all of us are here anyway

 **Yachi:** the only people we’re missing are Kiyoko-san and Asahi-san, do you think? 

**Noya:** ASAHI WOULD NEVER HURT SUGA THAT WAY

 **Tanaka:** AND NOT KIYOKO EITHER

 **Narita:** I think it’s safe to say that it wasn’t anybody on the team

 **Kinoshita:** agreed

 **Yamaguchi:** agreed

 **Akaashi:** ok, so how about in the rest of Karasuno? 

**Tanaka:** i can’t think of anybody. do daichi, asahi, and suga even have friends that don’t play volleyball? 

**Ennoshita:** that is. an excellent question. and one that i don’t have an answer to.

 **Yamaguchi:** what about the girls volleyball captain? Michimiya? 

**Ennoshita:** well shit

**Volleyball Protection Squad: 6 Days Post Incident**

**Ennoshita:** it’s not michimiya 

**Bokuto:** i don’t know whether to be relieved or not 

**Kinoshita:** same

 **Kageyama:** same

 **Noya:** same

 **Kenma:** anybody else at Karasuno? 

**Narita:** I’m coming up empty

 **Hinata:** I don’t know any third years other than Daichi-san, Suga-san, and Asahi-san so it’s hard to say

 **Kageyama:** yeah

 **Tsukishima:** really? 

**Akaashi:** okay so karasuno is out

 **Yamaguchi:** now what do we do? 

**Kageyama: 6 Days Post Incident**

**Hanamaki:** Yo

 **Hanamaki:** Friendly neighborhood (superior) wing spiker here

 **Kageyama:** Hello, Hanamaki-san. 

**Hanamaki:** connect me with that Yamaguchi kid, would ya? I think we have some ideas for you guys. 

**Volleyball Mystery Squad: 6 days, 9 hours post Incident**

**Yamaguchi added:** Hanamaki

 **Hanamaki added:** Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa

**Kuroo:** welcome to the thunderdome

 **Iwaizumi:** thanks, I think? 

**Ennoshita:** It’s good to have you here. I really wish it was under better circumstances that we all meet in a multi-regional high school volleyball group chat.

 **Akaashi:** yeah

 **Hinata:** :(

 **Yachi:** :(

 **Kenma:** Before we get down to any mystery solving, we need a refresher of all the facts

 **Ennoshita:** @Hinata

 **Hinata:** welllll, I was minding my own business before a practice match

 **Kageyama:** i thought you were throwing up in the bathroom again

 **Hinata:** ... i don’t remember asking you

 **Hinata:** jerk

 **Kageyama:** Don’t lie then? Dumbass. 

**Hinata:** I wasn’t lying! You can mind your own business and throw up at the same time! Stupid Kageyama. 

**Tsukishima:** So you admit you were throwing up 

**Yamaguchi** : nice one tsukki

 **Kageyama:** lying by omission is still lying

 **Hinata:** oh yeah says who? 

**Kageyama:** Suga-san

 **Hinata:** fine.

 **Kageyama:** maybe you need to start drinking some milk before games. To calm your ridiculous stomach. 

**Yachi:** Um, guys? 

**Hinata:** ew and turn in to you? No thanks

 **Kageyama** : HEY what do you have against milk?

 **Hinata:** what are you gonna do? Fight me to defend milk’s honor? 

**Kageyama** : No, sorry, I only fight people who are at least 160cm tall and weigh over 56kg

 **Oikawa** : wow 

**Oikawa:** it really pains me to say this

 **Oikawa:** but who knew Tobio had it in him? He got you Chibi-chan. 

**Tsukishima:** ...

 **Tsukishima:** I saw you wrestling Hinata two days ago

 **Yamaguchi:** it's true

 **Ennoshita:** An open letter to my dearest Hinata and Kageyama, it will do you well to remember, just because I am neither Daichi nor Suga nor do I possess the title of captain or vice-captain, I still can (and will) make your lives an absolute living hell should I deem it necessary. Sincerely, Ennoshita Chikara. 

**Ennoshita:** Tsukishima, please see above. 

**Oikawa:** damn

 **Bokuto:** remind me never to fuck with you Ennoshita

 **Kuroo:** seconded

 **Ennoshita:** Hinata, please continue. 

**Hinata:** Ahhh, okay! I saw Daichi kissing someone in the hallway. it was pretty dark so I couldn’t see very well. And that’s what we’re trying to figure out. 

**Bokuto:** wow i can’t believe Dadchi would do that

 **Tsukishima:** you’re all idiots

 **Ennoshita:** Tsukishima, sweetie

 **Tsukishima:** no

 **Ennoshita:** you are on thin fucking ice

 **Tsukishima:** 👍

 **Oikawa:** is that all we have to work with? Sawamura kissing somebody who wasn’t Mr. Refreshing in a dark hallway?

 **Yaku:** who tf is Mr. Refreshing

 **Hanamaki:** well, we know Sawamura wasn’t making out with Oikawa in the hallway

 **Oikawa:** (눈_눈) yes, thank you, we do know that

 **Iwaizumi:** yes, thank you, stop bringing it up

 **Matsukawa:** yikes

 **Hanamaki:** yikes

 **Akaashi:** this is all... very surprising

 **Hanamaki:** iwaizumi’s jealously complex?

 **Matsukawa:** no no he means iwaizumi’s misplaced protectiveness complex

 **Matsukawa:** duh

 **Hanamaki:** right right my bad

 **Iwaizumi:** will you two shut up already

 **Matsukawa** : aye aye (vice) captain

 **Hanamaki:** sir yes sir

 **Akaashi:** if you’re done

 **Akaashi:** it’s surprising that Sawamura would cheat on Sugawara

 **Akaashi:** i don’t know him very well but it doesn’t seem like something he would do 

**Kenma:** agreed

 **Kinoshita:** agreed

 **Kageyama:** agreed

 **Tsukishima:** yeah, no shit

 **Kuroo:** agreed

 **Oikawa:** I don’t know him well but I also agree

 **Bokuto:** it is pretty hard to imagine Dadchi cheating on anybody. Especially suga!! They’re like the best dynamic duo of them all. 

**Oikawa:** excuse me

 **Oikawa:** you come into my house

 **Iwaizumi:** don’t be shitty

 **Oikawa:** shitty. funny. it’s a fine line don’t you think? 

**Iwaizumi:** no

 **Matsukawa:** remember that we are, in fact, in a very important business meeting.

 **Hanamaki:** yes, please, our dearest captain and vice-captain

 **Matsukawa:** for the love of god

 **Hanamaki:** stop flirting

 **Ennoshita:** ...

 **Ennoshita:** Right, anyway. @kenma what is next in the plan? 

**Kenma** : We have to rule out the other teams at the practice match. It would be most convenient for Daichi’s, uh, mystery person, to be on a participating team. 

**Oikawa:**... we were the only other participating team. 

**Kuroo:** Okay, so, anybody from Aobajousai? 

**Iwaizumi:** no

 **Kuroo:** we get it. oikawa didn’t make out with daichi in a dark hallway. but what about everybody else? 

**Hanamaki:** not me

 **Matsukawa:** nope

 **Oikawa:** Kuro-kun, if you're trying to insinuate that Iwa-chan was in the hallway with Sawamura then you better be ready to meet me in the alley

 **Kuroo:** at least take me on a date first 

**Oikawa:** ew as if

 **Oikawa:** but like i said, insult iwa-chan and i'll fight you in the parking lot

 **Iwaizumi:** Please control yourself for five minutes. 

**Kenma:** take him

 **Yaku:** please

 **Kenma:** rid us of him

 **Yaku:** we're begging you

 **Kuroo:** ur mean

 **Ennoshita:** ANYWAY, any second years? 

**Oikawa:** ew no. besides, before the match, we were all stretching together and everyone was accounted for

 **Matsukawa:** I can confirm

 **Ennoshita:** Okay, well that rules everyone at Aobajousai out. 

**Yamaguchi:** @Hanamaki, didn’t you mention a lead or idea or something? 

**Ennoshita:** Oh right, and we appreciate you guys reaching out to us. We’ll take any help or ideas we can get.

 **Tsukishima:** unfortunately

 **Tsukishima:** if only any of it was actually helpful

 **Tanaka:** nice one!

 **Noya:** lmao

 **Narita:** ignore them

 **Kinoshita:** it’s what we do

 **Iwaizumi:** that’s relatable

 **Oikawa:** :(

 **Hanamaki** : ANYWAY

 **Matsukawa:** FOCUS

 **Oikawa:** oh right

 **Oikawa:** has anyone considered the guy from Johzenji? 

**Oikawa:** or really any of them? they are the party team after all

 **Ennoshita:** huh

 **Kenma:** that is a better lead than I anticipated

 **Oikawa:** I have a feeling I should be offended

 **Tanaka:** IT’S THAT BASTARD TERUSHIMA

 **Noya** : YEAH THE PLAYBOY THAT WOULDN’T LEAVE KIYOKO-SAN ALONE

 **Tanaka:** HE THINKS HE’S SO COOL WITH HIS EAR PIERCINGS

 **Noya** : AND TONGUE PIERCING

 **Tanaka:** WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS

 **Noya:** FIRST KIYOKO-SAN AND NOW DAICHI

 **Tanaka:** DOES HE KNOW NO SHAME

 **Yamaguchi:** Terushima did sort of um, fixate on Daichi during the game didn’t he? 

**Narita:** “he’s the most striking character in Karasuno” were his exact words I believe

 **Kinoshita:** unfortunately, I can confirm 

**Ennoshita:** oh dear god

**Hinata: 7 days post Incident**

Hinata knows he’s not as clever as people like Kenma or Kuroo-san, but what he lacks in wit, he makes up with enthusiasm. And it’s by that principle that he lays out the plan for the day. “Okay, here’s the plan. We’re infiltrating Johzenji’s match today,” 

“Infiltrating might be a strong word,” says Ennoshita. “Please don’t do anything that will get you suspended from school,” he pauses. “Or arrested. You know what, I’m putting Yamaguchi on your team, someone needs to make sure you and Kageyama don’t burn anything down.”

The plan is simple. Go to the match, disguised of course. For once, Hinata’s height will come in handy. Then, pretending to be elementary students completely in awe of Johzenji, start asking questions. Is it a good plan? Eh, probably not. But, like before, he’ll make up for it in enthusiasm. 

To his disappointment, in the end, he doesn’t even get to use any of the super-secret spy moves he practiced the night before. Terushima spots the two of them immediately. 

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

With their cover blown, Hinata, Kagegyama, and Yamaguchi cobble the story together; they only break into a fight one once, which he totally considers a win, even if Yamaguchi did have to break it up. Maybe he does understand why Ennoshita practically forced Yamaguchi to come along, not that he’ll admit it out loud.

**Terushima: 7 days, 3 hours post Incident**

This is too fucking good. Wow. His knees are weak just imagining those _biceps_ , those _thighs,_ all _that_ , shoving him against a wall, holding him there. 

“Terushima? Hello?”

“Me?” he says pointing to himself. 

“Yes?” One of them says, he’s still too caught up in his daydream to notice who.

“Me?!”

“I don’t understand.”

“Me, Terushima Yūji, pull Sawamura Daichi? Phew, I _wish_ I made out with that hot piece of ass in a secluded hallway under the cover of darkness.”

“So that’s a no?” says one of them, Yamaguchi or something.

“No, but be sure to let him know that I’d meet him in a darkened hallway anytime.”

“Alright, thank-” 

Terushima cuts him off. “I thought that captain of yours was spoken for? The guy with the silvery hair?” 

All three look away from him, eyes cast downward. 

“Ah, so it’s not just that Daichi was kissing somebody then. He was kissing somebody he shouldn’t be.” 

Yamaguchi nods once, eyes still fixed on the ground.

“Give him hell.” 

**Volleyball Protection Squad: 7 days, 12 hours post Incident**

**Bokuto:** any updates?

 **Yamaguchi:** Johzenji is cleared of all charges

 **Akaashi:** well shit

 **Oikawa:** ok hear me out

 **Kuroo:** i have a bad feeling about this but please continue

 **Oikawa:** there’s a big elephant in this room

 **Iwaizumi:** spit it out

 **Oikawa:** what if the mystery man is in this very group chat

 **Tanaka:** WATCH IT

 **Kenma:** he’s got a point

 **Kenma:** what if we’re feeding all our secret plans to them and Sawamura already knows were on to him

 **Hinata:** is that really possible???

 **Yachi:** oh no

 **Ennoshita:** I suppose you could be right

 **Narita:** how are we supposed to sort that out?

 **Kinoshita:** without starting a literal witch hunt? 

**Oikawa:** step 1- everyone signs a blood oath

 **Oikawa:** step 2

 **Iwaizumi:** stop

 **Oikawa:** as i was saying

 **Oikawa:** hypnotism 

**Iwaizumi** : oh my god

 **Oikawa:** and if that doesn’t work

 **Oikawa:** truth serum

 **Oikawa:** also known as vodka. a lot of vodka. 

**Iwaizumi:** we’re you born this shitty or did you have to practice? 

**Oikawa:** don’t ask stupid questions Iwa-chan. You’ve known me since i was born 

**Iwaizumi:** don’t remind me

 **Bokuto** : holy shit

 **Kuroo:** wow seriously 

**Iwaizumi:** unfortunately 

**Oikawa:** best friends since birth :)

 **Hanamaki:** at least we aren’t trapped in the same room with them this time

 **Matsukawa:** yeah but idk if this actually any better

 **Akaashi:** Can we focus please

Kenma: surely you have plenty of time to flirt outside of this group chat

 **Ennoshita:** I don't think we need to worry about it being someone here. Surely Daichi would have confronted us by now if he knew. You know what he's like when he's angry. Even demons run. 

**Tanaka:** wow Chikara u can't just drop horror stories in like without warning a guy

 **Yamaguchi:** we can ruminate on that later. where do we go from here? 

**Iwaizumi:** what about Dateko? 

**Ennoshita:** once more unto into the breach dear friends

**Volleyball Protection Squad: 8 days post Incident**

Moniwa isn’t exactly sure how he ended up in this position but he’s here now and at the very least he’ll do his best. He respects Karasuno as a rival volleyball team enough to try. 

“Alright team, huddle up. We have something important to discuss.” 

“Important? I thought we were done learning new plays?”

“This is more of a personal discussion. Please,” he gestures to the circle of folding chairs he painstakingly set up. “Have a seat.”

Arranging the folding chairs in a circle in the middle of the gym might look heavy handed but this is important. However, leaving only the center gym light on, highlighting only the circle of chairs, might be a bit much.

“Is this an intervention?” asks Futakuchi. 

“Of sorts, sure.” He sits and steeples his hands under his chin. “Now I want complete honesty. I promise I won’t be mad.” 

“Okay?” 

“I received word about a rumor that one of us might be fraternizing with the enemy.” 

“What does fraternizing mean,” Obara mock whispers. 

Moniwa pinches the bridge of his nose. “You know like,” he gestures vaguely with his hand knowing full well it probably isn't helping to actually clear anything up.

“It means HOOKING UP! Hell yeah!” yells Futakuchi. Kamasaki smacks him on the back of the head.

“Oh my god," he says in a rush, "is someone here dating Sawamura Daichi? Tell the truth, I won’t be mad.”

“Oh, I'll be mad,” says Kawasaki, deadpan. 

“Who?” 

“Oh my god,” this might take longer than he thought.

**Volleyball Protection Squad: 8 days, 9 hours post Incident**

**Ennoshita added:** Moniwa

 **Moniwa:** I can confirm that nobody from Dateko is fraternizing with Sawamura

 **Oikawa:** wow big words

 **Ennoshita:** You’re positive? 

**Moniwa** I am supremely positive

 **Hanamaki:** it sounds like there is a story there

 **Moniwa:** well

 **Oikawa** : spill

 **Moniwa:** I might have inadvertently staged an intervention. And potentially scarred a couple of the first years. 

**Ennoshita:** ...

 **Bokuto:** wow go big or go home i guess

 **Moniwa** : I’m sure they’ll be fine

 **Moniwa** : Now, if you would kindly remove me from this group chat. 

**Moniwa:** best of luck

 **Ennoshita removed:** Moniwa

 **Kageyama:** we need to go back to the drawing board 

**Akaashi** : again, I don’t know whether I should feel relieved or not 

**Kenma** : the longer this takes, the worse it feels tbh 

**Bokuto** : I weirdly get you 

**Bokuto** : like to cheat with someone from their school, that’s like convenient? but to cheat with someone further away takes effort, planning. idk cheating is cheating but somehow it all seems more malicious 

**Yachi** : :(

 **Hinata** : :(

 **Yamaguchi** : poor suga-san

 **Kuroo** : okay my guys, boy do i have a plan for you ;)

 **Yamaguchi** : im suddenly very scared 

**Tsukishima** : you should be 

**Kuroo** : :(

 **Kuroo** : anyway

 **Kuroo** : it’s a crazy convenient coincidence that we are all set to hold a training camp next week with both fukurodani and karasuno in attendance. but, unfortunately, our fourth team had to pull out last minute.

 **Kuroo** : not wanting to be down a team and lose out on that valuable learning experience.

 **Kuroo** : i recommended that coach reach out to Aobajohsai in Miyagi. since we’re all about forming new relationships and all that.

 **Yaku** : you mean _I recommended_ coach reach out to Aobajohsai.

 **Kuroo** : right my bad 

**Bokuto** : aww yaku you do care

 **Yaku** : shut up

 **Kenma** : if Aobajousai agrees to come to the training camp, then all the teams in this chat will be in one place at one time

 **Kuroo** : and with so many operatives, we can surely get to the bottom of that no good dirty rotten two timing cheating captain 

**Hanamaki** : and i thought oikawa was dramatic 

**Oikawa:** do you think coach can get it all figured out in time? 

**Iwaizumi** : We’ll figure it out. Count us in.

 **Kuroo** : wow 

**Kuroo** : that was easier than I expected 

**Iwaizumi** : Sugawara seems like a good guy. I don’t have to be friends with him to think it’s fucked up that his boyfriend is sneaking around behind his back. And if we can help and practice volleyball, it’s a win-win.

 **Oikawa** : aww iwa-chan that was almost sweet! who knew you had it in you 

**Iwaizumi** : im gonna punch you if you don’t shut up

 **Hanamaki** : in case you guys were wondering, yes Oikawa and Iwaizumi are in the same room right now

 **Matsukawa** : yes, this is how they flirt with each other 

**Hanamaki** ; and yes, Matsukawa and i are trapped here and forced to watch it in real time 

**Matsukawa** : pls send help at your earliest convenience 

**Kenma** : gross 

**Yaku** : disgusting 

**Ennoshita** : godspeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, Daichi and Suga are living their best lives with all of their unruly teammates too absorbed in this mayhem to cause any actual trouble. It's been a week since they've had to restrain anybody. They might be worried if the peace and quiet wasn't so nice.
> 
> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


	3. The Decoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decoy engage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your wonderful comments! They really mean a lot to me. I hope you enjoy!

**Kuroo: 14 days post Incident**

As expected, the bus carrying Karasuno arrives promptly at 9am and Kuroo is there waiting, hands in his pockets, and Kenma by his side engrossed in a game. Nothing out of the ordinary here. “Welcome back!” Kuroo slaps Daichi across the back and grabs his hand in one of their classic, unending, ‘ _friendly_ ’ handshakes. 

“It’s good to be back. We’ve been looking forward to this.” He shakes Kuroo’s hand with a glint in his eye that says _don’t fuck with us._ Kuroo has to fight the urge to laugh. Daichi was just the same as the last time they crossed paths and it low key pissed Kuroo off. He catches sight of Suga and Yaku giving them a look and he’s viscerally reminded of their secondary mission this weekend. His grip, his smile, the stiffness in his shoulders represent far more than their friendly rivalry and their previous declarations committing each of their teams to win. But, if Daichi picks up on any of it, he doesn’t let on.

Kuroo briefly wonders if Daichi has any suspicions that someone (or many people) might be onto him. That his ruse and shady romantic dealings have an impending expiration date. Is he too cocky to consider the possibility that his illicit fling could come tumbling down one day? It doesn’t seem like Daichi-- although none of this really seems like Daichi-- to have a big head. Not when he’s known for his no-nonsense nature; a vital source of stability to his rowdy bunch of crows. And what about Suga? Does he have any idea, any thoughts buried in the back of his mind, that Daichi is stepping out on him? Maybe he knows all about it but keeps quiet because a big fight or fall out between captain and vice-captain this far into the season would certainly spell disaster for their team and their chances at nationals. 

Kuroo doesn’t realize how far some of his thoughts have spiraled or how long he and Daichi have been standing in front of the gym until Suga interrupts their pissing contest with a hand on Daichi’s shoulder.

“Daichi, you’re starting to scare some of the underclassmen." 

“Yeah, you too, Kuroo.” Yaku raises a brow in Kuroo’s direction. “Besides, as Captain, you need to welcome the newcomers. Aobajousai arrived while you were too busy staring into Sawamura’s eyes.”

"Wah, oh," Daichi says, breaking the handshake to rub the back of his neck. "Just friendly rivalry." 

"Whatever you say," Suga says.

**Yachi: 14 days post Incident**

Yachi doesn’t know Daichi-san or Suga-san very well; actually, she doesn’t know anybody on the volleyball team very well. Maybe Hinata. She knows more about their strengths and weaknesses on the volleyball court than their lives. Cheating isn’t something she would peg anybody on the volleyball team to do. Even if they kind of scared her in the beginning, they all are genuinely kind. Even Tsukishima can be nice under all the sarcasm. 

Daichi is supposed to be the pillar of strength, the foundation that supports the team, always there when they need him on and off the court. He’s supposed to be good. He’s not supposed to cheat on Suga-san. It’s all very sad, really. She wishes she could talk to Kiyoko-san about everything but the second-years insisted that they keep all of the third-years in the dark until they get a handle on what they’re up against. 

“Are you ready, Yachi?” Hinata asks, snapping Yachi out of her head. 

“Oh,” she nods. “Is it time?” 

“Yes!” Hinata shouts, as bouncy as ever. 

It’s a little strange seeing him so cheerful considering what they’re about to do. It would probably be really weird if Hinata was anything other than cheerful. And then he wouldn’t be able to do his part. Which would mess Kageyama up during his part and then she would mess up too. If they all messed up because Hinata was sad then Daichi-san and Suga-san would never fall for their obvious act or believe them. Daichi would get his scary face and storm off to find everybody else and the three of them would completely fail the others and their part in the mission! And if everyone at the meeting couldn’t run away fast enough then Daichi will catch them. If Daichi catches them... there will be nothing left to find. 

“Yachi? Yaaaachiii? Are you okay?” 

Hinata’s hands are on her shoulders and he’s staring with an intensity similar to the one he wears on the court. She shakes him off. “Yeah, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me! Just overthinking things.” 

“You’re going to do great! Do you remember everything?”

Acting isn’t really a hobby she’s ever wanted to pursue and initially, she wasn’t confident that her performance would be believable enough. When Ennoshita-san explained the rest of the charade, it became much less intimidating. It might be acting today, but in the end, it’s really just another day with Hinata and Kageyama. 

“Uh-uh, and you?” 

“See you on the other side!” Hinata takes off toward the gym where Kageyama should be waiting for him. She counts to 180 in her head and then she too takes off in the other direction. It all begins now. 

She slams the door open, light flooding into the dark hallway, illuminating her tiny frame against the unknown. Suga-san and Daichi-san are with a bunch of team members from other schools, mostly third years but she spots a second year or two scattered throughout the room. She doubles over, hands on knees and panting. This part is easy. No acting or performance required. 

Still doubled over and catching her breath from the frantic run here, Suga-san crouches down beside her. She peers up at him, jutting out her lip and scrunching up her eyebrows in what she hopes isn’t an overblown expression of just _how_ _terrible_ her news is. A shadow falls over the two of them. 

Daichi-san.

He has that look on his face that spells disaster for whatever is on the other end. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice more than on par with the gentleness Suga-san shows. It does not match the borderline terrifying expression on Daichi’s face. “What’s going on?” 

“Hinata and Kageyama,” she says between gasps. 

Daichi’s expression darkens further. 

“Where?” 

“Hinata and Kageyama, in the gym. I couldn’t stop them.” She stands, taking Suga-san’s arm when he offers it. For her final act, she throws her other arm across her eyes and sniffles once. Twice. “I’m sorry, I tried to stop them.”

Suga-san winds a comforting arm around her shoulder, tugging her gently out of the doorway as Daichi stalks away muttering to himself. _Can’t leave those two alone for a damn minute._

“I should go help him. It takes two to pull Hinata and Kageyama off each other when they’re at each other's throats,” Suga-san says. “Don’t worry!” he smiles and rushes after Daichi-san. Her heart aches a little bit at the sight. 

**Kageyama: 14 days Post Incident**

“He’s coming,” Kenma says without looking up from his game. “Ready stations.” 

“Hinata you dumbass!” Kageyama growls. 

“Oh yeah? I might be a dumbass but at least I’m not as stupid as you! Only you would like something as gross as that!” 

“That doesn’t even make sense! If you’re going to insult me, you could at least put in a little effort.” Hinata tackles him from behind but Kageyama uses the momentum to swing him around and under his arm. He has Hinata in a headlock when Daichi throws the gym doors open and storms across the floor. 

“Kageyama, let Hinata go,” Daichi says in his captain’s voice. Neither Hinata or Kageyama lookup. This started out as a pretend fight but now it’s personal. 

“If I don’t make sense then you don’t make sense!” 

“Kageyama.” Daichi doesn’t raise his voice. He’s deadly calm, the kind of calm that signals a storm is coming. Typically it’s a sign that Daichi is one moment away from throwing them out of the gym onto their asses or he’s going to invoke the greatest punishment of them all, unleashing Sugawara. Normally, even Kageyama shrank under his intimidating glare. Undoubtedly, he would drop Hinata the moment the calm before the storm arrived. Instead, he renews his commitment to keeping Hinata in the headlock but it’s futile. Hinata takes advantage of Kageyama’s momentary distraction and worms his head low enough to bite Kageyama on the arm locking Hinata in the headlock. Kageyama’s grip releases immediately, freeing him.

“Are you crazy! You bit me!” 

“And I’ll do it again!” Hinata shouts, somehow even louder than before. 

Daichi makes a grab for Hinata, an attempt to stop the fight before one of them actually causes damage to the other, but Hinata ducks under his arm and throws himself onto Kageyama’s back again. 

“You’ll never take me alive!” Hinata uses the additional height to his advantage, bonking Daichi on the head and giving Kageyama a swift kick to his side. 

“Go go go!” 

“Oi! Dumbass my ear is right here! You’re going to make me go deaf!” Kageyama, unwilling to act as Hinata’s horse, throws Hinata over his shoulder.

“Kageyama!” Daichi tries again. But it’s futile. Kageyama isn’t going to stop until his part in this play is over. 

“What. Is. Going. On. Here?”

“Suga,” Daichi says like a prayer. “Thank god.” 

Hinata rolls across the floor and jumps to his feet, smacking Kageyama across the back of the knee in the process and sending him tumbling down. If he’s going down then Hinata is going with him. He grabs a hold of Hinata’s ankle and pulls his legs out from under him before he fully rights himself. It happens in a little more than a moment but before they can renew their fight with full vigor, he has a pair of arms snaking under his armpits and hauling him backward away from Hinata. Suga has Hinata caught in the same inescapable grip. 

Hinata nods at him once. They’ve completed their part. 

“What are you even fighting about?” Suga-san says. 

They each turn to face their captor and deadpan “milk.” 

Daichi’s expression is pinched and pained. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

**Ennoshita: 14 days post Incident**

“Hinata you dumbass!!”

Ennoshita grimaces in the direction of the shout, faint as it is from so far away, he’s heard it enough times that he might as well be in the same room as those two. “That’s our cue. If I’m right, we have about 10 minutes- 5 for Daichi and Suga to pull them off each other and 5 for the lecture Daichi will give them. If we’re lucky Suga will lecture them too and we’ll bank another 3.” 

“Alright,” Kuroo wheels a chalkboard up to the front of the room. He flips it over to reveal an intricately written plan that Ennoshita is quite sure has absolutely nothing to do with the actual plan. “The plan is both simple and complicated, as all good plans are. Obviously, we are, as they say, in part the first. Tomorrow, we will commence the bulk of the plan, and if we manage to pull it all off, we’ll have ourselves a good old fashioned throw down.” 

“Bro,” Kuroo says pointing to Bokuto, “if you would please.” 

“It would be my pleasure.”

Kuroo hands a pretend mic off to Bokuto and moves to the side, arms extended and gesturing ‘ta-da.’ 

“You all know my wonderful boyfr- I mean, bro-friend, uh wait, I- I mean my Vice Captain, Akaashi.”

Akaashi, to his credit, maintains a poker face through Bokuto’s entire stammered introduction. 

“Ah, like I was saying, Akaashi and Kenma did extensive research to determine who, in the volleyball world at least, is most likely someone Daichi would get with. To be honest, I don’t really understand their system so uh Akaashi???” 

“You did fine, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto shoots Akaashi a wide smile. 

“Bokuto-san covered most of the basics. The rest of it you can find in the packets Yaku gave you earlier. Be sure to read up on each of the top candidates to ensure you can slip them into conversations with Daichi comfortably throughout the day tomorrow.”

A muffled shout comes from the direction of the gym followed by a loud that sounded suspiciously like “ _well you know what, Tsukki? It’s crazy but I don’t give a shit_.”

“Wow, okay. That’ll be Yamaguchi,” Ennoshita says. “I wasn’t sure he was actually going to do it.” He grins. “That’ll buy us another 15 minutes, easily.” 

Kuroo grins. “Well then boys, let’s crack open these packets.”

**Yamaguchi: 14 days post Incident**

“Are you really going to help them?” Tsukki raises a brow. 

Yamaguchi shrugs. “It’s harmless fun. Why not?” 

Tsukki shoots him a look that screams he’s _not_ buying it (but perhaps he can be convinced). 

“Come on Tsukki! Are you really going to give up an opportunity to mess with Hinata and Kageyama?” 

Tsukishima smirks and Yamaguchi knows he’s won. 

“How are we going to do this?” Tsukki asks surveying the damage that Hinata and Kageyama left behind in their brawl. Daichi and Suga still have a grip on Kageyama and Hinata respectively, unwilling to let either of them go until they’re sure they won’t go at it again. 

“Hmm, Ennoshita didn’t give me any instructions like he gave them, I guess that means he trusts us more,” Yamaguchi grins. “Do you think we could top Hinata and Kageyama’s fight?” 

“I’m not going to wrestle you, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki grimaces. The idea of sinking to Kageyama and Hinata’s label is almost too much to bear. 

“Right, right. Okay, how about like a massive, explosive, argument? We can really play it up.” Yamaguchi gestures broadly with his hands. “Let’s give everyone a scare.” 

Tsukki quirks an eyebrow. He’s got him interested now. “Have we ever even had an explosive argument? Isn’t that a bit out of character?”

“I screamed at you that one time- you know the last time we were in Tokyo.”

Tsukishima hums. “Alright, then. After you.” 

“Well, you know what, Tsukki? It’s crazy but I don’t give a shit.” Yamaguchi surprises even himself, he meant to come out swinging and really draw everyone’s attention but not quite with this intensity. Yamaguchi gets over it quickly, electing instead to keep his eyes fixed on Tsukki. Every eye in the gym is trained on them. Daichi and Suga freeze in shock. Even Hinata and Kageyama keep still despite still being restrained by Daichi and Suga.

“Yamaguchi-” Tsukki says, far more subdued than Yamaguchi.

“No, nope, nuh-uh. I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Yamaguchi, come on!” 

He shoves his fingers and his ears and shuts his eyes. “La la la la la can’t hear you.” 

No volleyballs bounce. No gyms shoes squeak across the floor. Not even an insult traded between Hinata and Kageyama. The gym is silent save for the faint game battle music from where Kenma still sits along the wall, completely engrossed by his DS.

“Oh my god,” Tsukki says, raising his voice for the first time. 

_Finally._ This is going to be _fun_. 

“It’s not my fault you can’t accept the truth,” Tsukki sneers. 

“Tsukki, please for the love of god, shut up!” 

“No, I can’t let this go!"

Daichi and Suga snap out of their reverie, dropping Kageyama and Hinata right on their asses. Parenting instincts: activated. Chaos: off the charts. 

“Too bad,” Yamaguchi smiles but it's off; oversaturated; saccharine. He tries to channel his best impression of Suga when he’s obviously angry with Daichi but is trying to keep it bottled up until the team vacates the premises. 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Daichi takes a tentative step forward, arms up in a placating gesture. “What seems to be the problem here?" 

“Yamaguchi, how am I supposed to let this go when it's clearly so important to you?” 

He and Tsukki rarely fight and their occasional arguments are nothing like this. They’re more likely to give each other the silent treatment than they are to scream in each other 's faces; his outburst at the last training camp excluded. 

“Oh, so now you care about it?” 

Yamaguchi vaguely registers Daichi and Suga calling their names again. Asking what’s going on with increasing levels of panic.

Tsukki rakes his hands through his hair and groans. 

“That’s what I thought.” Yamaguchi crosses his arms over his chest and levels Tsukki with a glare. Tsukki hesitates. Actually hesitates. 

Suga creeps up on them slowly until he’s only a few feet away. He looks between like they’re two animals one wrong move away from attacking each other. Yamaguchi rolls his eyes. “Oh please, we’re not Hinata and Kageyama. Just because we don’t agree on something-” he levels a glare at Tsukki- “doesn’t mean we’re going to try to beat the shit out of each other.” 

“Tch, please don’t compare me to those idiots.” 

“I don’t know,” Yamaguchi says. “Judging by your frankly wrong opinion, you’re sounding more and more like them by the minute.” 

Tsukki pushes his glasses up. They flash, only for a moment, reflecting the harsh fluorescent lights illuminating the gym. 

“How dare you?” 

“Yamaguchi. Tsukishima,” Daichi sounds truly desperate now. “Let’s all just take a minute and calm down.” 

“STAY OUT OF THIS!” they shout in unison.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, I’m only going to say this once so listen closely,” Tsukki growls. “It’s not my fault that Lunatone is a washed-up, _lame_ , **useless** Pokemon, and the sooner you can accept this then the happier we’ll all be.”

 _Holy shit._ If Tsukki wants to fight dirty then he can fight dirty. It's for a noble cause after all, even if a bit misguided. Besides, Tsukki actually sounds like he might be starting to have fun.

“Are you guys _seriously_ fighting about Pokémon right now?” Daichi says.

“Oh yeah?” Yamaguchi yells, standing to his full height. He might not be as tall as Tsukki but he knows he can be intimidating in his own right and he’ll take advantage of that whenever the opportunity presents itself.

“I said what I said,” Tsukki takes a step toward Yamaguchi. He too straightens up, towering over Yamaguchi, leering at him.

“Well then,” he shouts. He steps closer, they’re nearly chest to chest now, and jabs a finger in Tsukki’s torso. “Not only is Giganotosaurus a stupid name for a dinosaur, it doesn’t hold a candle to the Spinosaurus!” 

Tsukki gasps. “You take that back!” 

Yamaguchi, in an effort to subdue the laughter threatening to force its what out of this throat, crosses his arms and smirks. “No,” he says plainly. 

Yamaguchi isn’t expecting it when Tsukki grabs him by the collar and tugs, not unlike when Yamaguchi yelled at him during their last training camp. Only a few inches separate them. He hovers there, held in place by Tsukki's rough grip on his tee-shirt. Did he cross a line? Was the shot at Giganotosaurus one that Tsukki can't forgive? 

"I used the Masterball in Pokemon Soul Silver to catch a Magikarp," Tsukki deadpans. 

The air in Yamaguchi's lungs turns to ice. Betrayal rarely comes out of nowhere. More often than not, there are signs and clues that something is amiss- that something is coming. The most painful of betrayals are those in which there is no lead-up. No foreshadowing. One day- complete loyalty. The next- treachery. 

"You did not! Tsukishima Kei, tell me you did not!" 

"I did. And I'd do it again." 

**Daichi: 14 days post Incident**

He's surrounded by idiots. All of them. 

"Alright, that's enough! What’s gotten into all of you tonight!” Daichi barks, yanking them apart with Suga's help.

They shrug. 

“Was I just supposed to sit back and let him insult Lunatone like that?”

“You heard what he said about Giganotosaurus.” 

"And don't get me started on the Masterball! This conversation is _not_ over Tsukishima Kei. Not by a long shot."

If this is what having kids is like then Daichi doesn't want any. Not now. Not in ten years or in twenty. He scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. 

"That's fine," Suga says. "You can argue about Masterballs, Gigantasauruses, and Lunatones all you want in the comfort of your own homes. But for now, go collect your fellow first-years over there and get ready for bed." 

Tsukishima grimaces but does as Suga says anyway, Yamaguchi at his side as if they hadn't just been moments away from tackling each other over _Pokemon._

With the gym empty of everyone except for himself and Suga, Daichi looks to the ceiling in silent prayer, begging any available god to strike him down where he stands. Put him out of his misery once and for all. 

“Daichi I know you’re praying for god to strike you down but I swear to god that if you leave me alone to raise 10 feral children on my own I’ll resurrect you just to kill you myself.” 

"You caught me," Daichi says. "But if I do, you’ll still have Ennoshita. He’ll help you reign in these idiots.” 

“Hmm, I suppose. Wouldn’t be as fun though,” Suga holds out a hand. “Come on, I think it's time we get to bed too. Long day tomorrow and all that." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)
> 
> ...to the tune of Mamma Mia by Abba
> 
> Daichi cheated on him and we think we know when  
> So we’ve made up our minds it must come to an end 
> 
> Look at him now will he ever learn we don’t know how  
> Daichi lost control  
> of the fire within in his soul 
> 
> Just one clue and we’ll know who to ring  
> One more clue and Suga will know everything 
> 
> Sawamura, there he goes again  
> My my, how could he hurt Suga?  
> Sawamura, does it show again  
> Did you cheat on Suga?
> 
> Yes, he’ll be broken hearted  
> Blue once you’ve parted  
> Why, why would you ever hurt him so?  
> Sawamura, pray he lets you go


	4. The Dark Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plan A commences. Plan A fails.

**Iwaizumi: 15 days post Incident**

Training camp after hours in Tokyo isn’t all that different from training camp after hours in Miyagi and Iwaizumi can only assume that this would hold true for any training camp regardless of prefecture. Although the added responsibility of trying to catch a rival volleyball captain cheating on his vice-captain does shake things up a bit. It makes things a little easier that over half of the training camp is on the mission but the process is still complicated to orchestrate. 

“Flirting, gentlemen, is an art. You can’t just march up to him all willy-nilly and expect it to work,” Oikawa announces, making Iwaizumi grimace internally. Next to him, Bokuto nods along, absorbing Oikawa’s ridiculous speech like it’s some kind of gospel. 

“Did you seriously just say willy-nilly?” Kuroo asks. 

Oikawa pouts. “Yes, moving on. You have to be smooth. Irresistible. You know, tall, dark, and handsome.” 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. 

“Problem Iwa-chan?” 

“You might be tall Shittykawa but you’ve never been handsome in your entire life.” 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa snicker. 

“Hmm, what was that Iwa-chan? I don’t think you’re one to talk considering you’ve never been tall _or_ handsome in your entire life.” 

Iwaizumi has Oikawa in a headlock before he finishes his sentence, roughly digging his knuckles into his head while Oikawa squawks and whines for him to stop.

“Ow, ow, ow! Iwa-chan, you’re going to mess up my hair!” 

“You should have thought of that earlier.” 

“You were the one who insulted me first,” Oikawa screeches. “You big bully!” 

Kuroo whistles, hands in his pockets. “Wow, you weren’t kidding. They really do flirt like that.” 

“It’s tragic, isn’t it?” says Hanamaki. 

“A travesty,” Matsukawa wipes away a nonexistent tear. 

“Keep us in your prayers.” 

Iwaizumi lets go of Oikawa at last ignoring whatever bullshit Hanamaki and Matsukawa are feeding Kuroo now. The three of them together are just... _too much_. And he was already getting a headache from Oikawa’s incessant chatter before anyone else even opened their mouth. 

According to the color-coded packet Akaashi provided, they were supposed to begin their last-ditch plan to corner Sawamura in an effort to get him to confess his indiscretions himself but someone must have missed the memo somewhere along the line because there are far, far too many people in gym two for this plan to work. 

“Are we gonna get this-” he’s cut off when Nekoma’s setter, Kenma, whistles loudly silencing everyone. He’s expecting an announcement of some kind but instead, Kenma simply turns and quietly exits the building with a small herd of bouncing first and second years following him until it’s just himself, and a few random second and third years, and all school captains remaining.

“Well that was weird,” Sawamura says to nobody in particular. 

Kuroo shrugs. “Eh, monkey see, monkey do.” 

“So, Bokuto, what’s your plan?” 

Bokuto blinks twice and ducks his head, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“You forgot,” Kuroo deadpans. 

“No! I just needed a sec to remember. Just watch me!” Bokuto charges off. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t need to see the defeated, forlorn expression on Kuroo’s face to know that this is going to be a disaster. 

“HEYYY! Daichi!” Bokuto sceeches. 

“Woah, woah,” Sawamura says, grabbing Bokuto by the arms to stop him from barrelling him over. “Something I can help you with?” 

“Oh, uh,” 

Kuroo winces. 

“Yeah, uh, I’m just, you know...” 

Sawamura’s eyebrows pinch together as he nods slowly, trying and failing to make sense of Bokuto’s nonsensical ramblings. 

“Because, the volleyballs, and captains! The leadership and all that, it’s just all very hot don’t you think?” 

“The... volleyballs?” 

Bokuto nods enthusiastically. “Right, volleyballs, when held in the right hands are really beautiful, don’t you think?” 

“This is a disaster,” Oikawa groans.

“Uh,” Sawamura frowns. “I suppose so?” 

“Exactly! But, Daichi, if I do say so myself, volleyballs have never looked so lovely as they do in your captainly hands.” 

“Thanks? I think?” He hesitates. “Are you feeling alright?” 

“WAhh? Yeah, you know, just, you know.” 

Sawamura nods once, slowly. His stare is calculating, like he’s trying to translate the past five minutes into something coherent but coming up empty no matter how many times he runs the calculations. 

“Did you eat enough for dinner? Water? Gatorade?” Sawamura holds the back of his hand to Bokuto’s forehead and frowns. “Alright, why don’t you go sit down along the wall. I’m going to get you some Gatorade.” 

Bokuto waves and shoots them finger guns while he sits with his back to the wall. Kuroo slaps a hand to his forehead. When Sawamura returns, Gatorade in hand, Bokuto flails his arms wildly in a gesture that is meant to convey thanks but instead he knocks the fruit punch flavored Gatorade right out of his hand. Sawamura blinks, looking between the empty cup and the red liquid splattered across his arms, Bokuto’s face, and much of the floor between them.

“Right. Stay here,” he sighs. “I’ll just go grab another and a towel... and maybe Akaashi, if I can find him,” he mutters the last part. 

"Well, that went about as well as I expected.” Kuroo sighs, mouth downturned in a grimace. 

“And you’re telling me that Pretty Boy-”

“Akaashi,” Kuroo interrupts at the same time that Iwaizumi slaps Oikawa upside the head.

“Fine, Akaashi, is dating _that_? How did Bokuto land Pretty Boy-”

“Akaashi.” Kuroo and Iwaizumi say.

Oikawa wrinkles his nose. “Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected fell for that bumbling mess?” 

“Oikawa, I swear to god,” Iwaizumi pinches the bridge of his nose. “If Kuroo punches you for insulting his best friend to his face, I will not stop him.”

Kuroo shrugs. “Bokuto is exuberant, loveable, good-intentioned but even I can’t deny he’s also a moron on occasion. But then, who isn’t a moron on occasion? Are we all not morons in our own ways? And Akaashi, what can I say, really really likes exuberant, loveable, good-intentioned morons,” he grins. _“I’m_ not going to punch you but don’t let Akaashi hear you insult Bokuto, there won’t be anything left for Iwaizumi to find,” he slaps Oikawa on the back. “Alright, who's up next?” 

“Watch and learn boys,” Oikawa winks and prances off, grabbing Daichi by the bicep and pulling him away from where he still hovered over Bokuto. 

“You’re okay with watching your boyfriend flirt with another guy right in front of you?” 

He snorts into his hand. “No, I don’t mind.” 

Kuroo arches a brow. 

“Oikawa might flirt with anyone at any time of the day but, trust me when it counts he can’t flirt for shit.”

“Huh, you’re a strong man, Iwaizumi.”

“Nah, he’s just a disaster, and watching him flounder is fun.” 

“Thighchi!” Oikawa croons. “Are you an alien because you’re out of this world.” 

It’s worse than he thought. 

“What?” Sawamura says. 

Oikawa takes a step closer, inserting himself into Sawamura’s personal space. Iwaizumi grimaces, feebly hoping that Oikawa will make it out of the gym this evening without getting punched in the face. 

“Can I have your jersey? Because I need your name and number.” 

“Oh my god,” Kuroo says. "You weren't kidding." 

Iwaizumi sighs. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” 

Sawamura takes a step back but Oikawa moves with him, maintaining his spot that is too close for comfort. 

“Oikawa, is everything okay?” Sawamura asks far more gently than Oikawa deserves. “We have the same jersey number, I don’t see how that will help anything.”

“Never better,” Oikawa inches forward. “Why do you ask?” When Sawamura doesn’t answer, Oikawa continues. “You know, it’s not the length of the vector that counts, it’s the force.” Oikawa flips his hair despite not having enough hair to do so convincingly. He laughs- an obnoxious giggle that not even a mother could love- and playfully pushes Sawamura’s arm. “I’m fine with you here with me.” Oikawa continues, twisting a lock of hair around his pointer finger and shifting his weight onto one leg. Iwaizumi gags when he starts to bat his eyelashes, leering at Sawamura like an idiot.

“Iwaizumi level with me, do you have any idea what he’s saying?” asks Kuroo.

“Don’t bother,” says Hanamaki. 

“Iwaizumi is the only one who truly understands Oikawa,” says Matsukawa.

“We mere mortals will never be able to compete with Iwaizumi.” 

“I hope you don’t punch me for saying this, Iwaizumi, but how exactly did you fall for that disaster?” Kuroo asks. 

God, if only Iwaizumi knew. Or rather, if only he knew how to intelligently explain how Oikawa is, and will always be, it for him. He can’t even intelligently explain it to himself, not that he’d tell these three idiots even if he could find the words. 

“Well you see,” says Hanamaki. 

Iwaizumi just sighs, accepting his fate knowing that controlling Hanamaki, Matsukawa, _and_ Kuroo is nothing but a losing battle. Kuroo nods, listening intently. 

“Oikawa’s had our beautiful vice-captain here whipped since they were- what?” 

Matsukawa picks up where Hanamaki leaves off, “six months old?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” 

“Dearest Iwaizumi never had a chance,” Matsukawa says. 

“Destined.” 

“Meant to be.” 

“Tale as old as time.” 

“A love story for the ages.”

“Angels weep.” 

“Yeah, for Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa snickers. 

“If you think I won’t punch you because another captain is here,” Iwaizumi growls, "then you better reevaluate." 

“WAh, he’s back!” Hanamaki says, hiding behind Matsukawa. “Protective Iwaizumi! Run while you can!” 

“Wow, that’s like a whole other level to childhood friends. And here I was thinking that Kenma and I go way back,” Kuroo says and Iwaizumi is grateful for the redirection. 

Their attention is directed back to Sawamura and Oikawa when the latter squeaks. Sawamura grips Oikawa’s forearm, holding it in place when he tries to playfully bat Sawamura’s shoulder. The four of them collectively hold their breath. Is this it? 

“Are you feeling unsteady? Dizzy?” 

Oikawa’s mouth drops open in surprise. “Wait, what?”

“Why don’t you go sit with Bokuto, I’m going to get you some Gatorade.” 

Oikawa’s mouth still hangs open dumbly as Sawamura guides him next to Bokuto, not removing his gentle, steadying hand until he’s safely on the floor.

“Ennoshita,” Sawamura calls. Karasuno’s number 6 breaks away from the group of second years when Sawamura gestures to Oikawa and Bokuto. “Keep an eye on them while I grab Oikawa a drink.” 

Ennoshita shoots Sawamura a thumbs-up and grins, “you got it, Captain.” 

Iwaizumi breaks away from Kuroo, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa to join Ennoshita in babysitting duty. 

“What was that about being smooth?” 

“If you’re just here to make fun then you can kindly go away.” 

“Nah, I’m here to make fun of you and assure Sawamura that you aren’t actually insane.”

“Mean,” Oikawa crosses his arms over his chest. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” 

“I ask myself the same every day,” Iwaizumi says.

“Ah, Iwaizumi,” Sawamura says, Gatorade in hand. “Oikawa was looking a little unsteady out there.” 

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi says, long-suffering. “Yeah, he was.”

Sawamura looks confused but he nods once before turning to Ennoshita and nodding toward the group of Karasuno’s second years huddled on the other side of the gym. “Let’s finish this before Tanaka and Noya get riled up again,” he mutters as they begin to walk away. They make it halfway before being intercepted by Kuroo who immediately slips an arm around Sawamura’s shoulders, tugging until their sides are flush. Ennoshita spares them a single glance before quickening his pace, getting the hell out of dodge. 

“So,” Kuroo says, crowding into Sawamura’s space. “You come here often?” 

“To the gym?” 

Kuroo nods. 

“The gym where we play volleyball?” 

“Yeah, but more importantly, you know, I got games, babe.” 

“Games,” Sawamura says slowly. “Like volleyball games?” he pauses. “I know, that’s why we're here. In a volleyball gym. At a volleyball training camp.” 

Sawamura looks between Oikawa and Bokuto still lined up against the wall, sipping their Gatorade and resolutely not looking at Kuroo or Sawamura. 

“I’m going to get you some Gatorade,” Sawamura says, he nods his head in the direction of the wall. “Take a seat.” 

Kuroo slides down the wall, hitting the floor with an _oof,_ to take his seat next to Bokuto; all three of them sit frozen in mutual incredulous shock until Sawamura returns, this time with two cups of Gatorade in hand. Once again, he’s intercepted before he can hand off either cup. Matsukawa and Hanamaki insert themselves on either side of Sawamura, each taking a cup out of his hands and using the other to push and prod Sawamura until he’s squeezed tightly between the two of them. Sawamura looks surprised but is relatively defenseless with Hanamaki and Matsukawa hanging off either side of him.

“Oh my god,” Iwaizumi groans while Oikawa laughs gleefully. He’s starting to feel bad for Sawamura. 

“Daichi!” Hanamaki and Matsukawa croon in tandem. 

“You know, we really ought to hang out more,” says Matsukawa. 

“Oh yeah,” says Hanamaki. “I bet we could have some fun.”

“Are they?” Bokuto asks, pointing to where Hanamaki and Matsukawa have Sawamura captured. 

“No, they’re just stupid,” Iwaizumi says. 

“So they’re not, you know?” 

Oikawa shudders. “No thank god. Then they’d be even more insufferable.” 

Iwaizumi groans. “Stop. Please, I don’t even want to think about that.” 

“Oh yes, we’d have lots of fun,” says Matsukawa. Sawamura is far less flustered and bewildered than he would have thought. 

“In fact,” Matsukawa takes a folded up sheet up paper from his pocket and passes it to Hanamaki. 

“Here are our numbers,” Hanamaki slips the paper into Sawamura’s pocket. 

“For when you're ready for some fun,” Matsukawa and Hanamaki say together. 

“That’s a good idea,” Sawamura says. 

“You have got to be fucking kidding m-” Iwaizumi says.

“It’s really a shame our teams don’t have a better relationship. I’m sure my team would really enjoy the experience. Us Miyagi boys have to stick together.” 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s twin grins slip off their faces.

“Sure, Sawamura, sounds good,” Matsukawa says patting him on the shoulder once he and Hanamaki detached themselves and handed back the cups of Gatorade. They shoot Iwaizumi and Oikawa a pair of bewildered and incredulous expressions, before sauntering out of the gym entirely. 

Sawamura joins them along the wall; he hands one of the cups of red Gatorade to Kuroo and passes the second off to Iwaizumi. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with all of them,” Sawamura gestures to the wall of shame. “But I figured I should cover my bases and bring you a cup too.” 

Iwaizumi nods, accepting the cup. “Much appreciated but don’t worry I’m immune to stupid. 

“I resent that!” Oikawa shouts, slamming his fist into the ground. 

Iwaizumi snorts. “I bet that felt great, huh?” 

“It did, thank you for your concern as always, Iwa-chan.” 

Sawamura looks between the two of them looking mildly concerned before turning back to the group of Karasuno’s second-years who by now have completely given up on whatever they were supposed to be doing and are now unabashedly watching this shit show. “I’m going to tell them to head out,” Sawamura says. “And then I’ll figure out what to do with you three,” he frowns, moving down the line, briefly resting the back of his hand on each of their foreheads before leaving them for the second-years.

“Well that went about as well as I expected,” says Iwaizumi once Sawamura is out of earshot.

“Did we just get... Dad-ed?” says Kuroo.

“Oh yeah,” says Iwaizumi. “You all got Dad-ed to the extreme.” 

“Huh, who knew Daichi was so paternal,” says Oikawa. “Daichi, more like Dadchi.” 

“So Daichi either isn’t into any of us or...?” says Bokuto. “He wants to adopt us? I don’t think we accomplished what Akaashi and Kuroo meant in the plan.”

“You can hardly call what you guys just did actual flirting. Let alone good flirting. He thinks you’re all dehydrated and delusional.” 

“Excuse me?” Oikawa shrieks.

“I don’t understand,” says Kuroo. “I know that would have 100% worked on Kenma. How can Sawamura resist games?"

“Yeah!” says Bokuto. “I know, I’ve seen it! Plus! I don’t really remember what I said but I know Akaashi would have known what I meant!” 

“Bro for sure, you’d have Akaashi swooning.”

“Bro, do you really mean that?” 

“Of course bro, you know I could never lie to you.” 

He’s surrounded by idiots. Idiots, _captains,_ that are supposed to be pinnacle examples of leadership and hard work. They might be intelligent but damn if they aren’t dumb as bricks off the court. 

“Iwa-chan, you look constipated.” 

“Shut it, Shittykawa. You are all idiots. You can’t just flirt with Sawamura like he’s your actual boyfriend or best friend or crush or whatever. Of course, he’s not going to fall for that. No wonder he thinks you’re all dehydrated to the point of illness.” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” says Kuroo. “So you’re telling me that Bokuto flirted like he does with Akaashi. And if I flirted like I would with Kenma, then that means,” 

Iwaizumi isn’t a fan of the sly grin slowly snaking its way across Kuroo’s face.

“Then that means, Oikawa was flirting how he flirts with you.”

“Yes, I told you before, he’s a disaster when it matters.” 

“Right, but if Akaashi and Kenma like and respond to our seemingly disastrous attempts at flirting then that means you like whatever Oikawa’s absolute batshit rambling was supposed to be.” 

“I said what I said.” 

“Aww, Iwa-chan, are you blushing?” 

“No,” he lies.

“Wait, how do _you_ flirt with Oikawa?” says Bokuto.

“I call him shitty.” 

“Wah! You can’t say that to someone you like!” says Bokuto.

“Yeah, how’s that any way to flatter a guy?” asks Kuroo. 

Iwaizumi rises to the challenge. “Just because you have a cute face doesn't mean you can keep acting like a shitty child. Grow up already." 

"You think I'm cute!?!?!" 

"Yes," Iwaizumi says devoid of any expression.

Oikawa blushes furiously, hiding his face in his hands. “Iwa-chan! You can't just say things like that!" 

"Holy shit," says Kuroo.

"I can't believe that worked," says Bokuto.

Iwaizumi smirks and cocks his head to the side, “told ya. But, more importantly, that isn’t how I would hit on Sawamura! Clearly you three aren’t able to carry out this mission and we shouldn’t waste the time Akaashi and Kozume put into this plan.”

“Ohohoho, what are you saying?” 

“I’m saying, I am going to regret this. Here,” he says, shoving his cup of Gatorade in Oikawa’s direction. “Hold my Gatorade.”

“Go get him, babe! I got your Gatorade!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


	5. The Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude. 
> 
> Oikawa hosts setters only game night meanwhile Daichi is accosted into playing party games of a different sort.

**Oikawa: 17 days post Incident**

Oikawa hates to admit it but Iwaizumi was right. Iwaizumi was the best at flirting with Daichi but that didn’t really matter because It still didn’t get them anywhere; Daichi thought Iwaizumi was just joking around. Building rapport or something. Bros being bros. Guys being dudes. 

Even if he wasn’t successful, Iwaizumi still did a better job than himself, Kuroo, Bokuto, Mattsun, and Makki did combined. All that work for nothing. They could have had this all wrapped up yesterday but instead their mission bled into the next day and now Oikawa is stuck organizing a game night for the setters. This is a real problem because there is also a captains only game night happening in Gym 2 at the same time. Iwaizumi is filling in for him but _still._

“Okay bitches, truth or dare is the quintessential party game for teens everywhere. A right of passage. A game vital to the healthy growth and development of young adults.” Oikawa says. But, more importantly, it is a tool. A chaotic tool, but useful nonetheless. “Let’s get down to business.” Plus, there is always the possibility that he’ll get some dirt on Tobio-chan or the other teams and that really makes the entire experience a win-win.

“You want us to play truth or dare?” asks Kageyama. 

“Yes, Tobio-chan. I thought that was obvious.” 

“But you don’t even like me.”

“I’m trying to practice civility and kindness. Maybe you should try it sometime.” 

“Kageyama is a very kind boy,” Suga pats Kageyama on the head, ruffling his hair up. It’s revoltingly sweet. Oikawa nearly throws up in his mouth. 

“What are you, his mom?” 

“Yes,” Suga deadpans. Oikawa thinks he catches something in his eye. Something that says, _don’t talk to me or my son ever again_ , but it’s gone too fast to tell. 

“Okay, but why us?” asks Yaku. 

“It’s setters only game night!” 

“That brings me back to my original question. Why am I here? I am not a setter.” 

Oikawa shrugs. “I like even numbers and you aren’t prettier than me.” 

Yaku scowls, clearly not appeased by his answer, but he makes no move so he considers that a win.

“Wait,” Akasshi says. “No questions related to volleyball or strategy.” 

“Seconded,” Suga, Yaku, and Kenma say at the same time. 

Of course, these goody-two-shoes would ruin his fun before it even began.

“Okay, Yak-kun-”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“-since you’re the only non-setter among us, we will graciously allow you to go first.” 

“Pass.”

“What! You can’t pass!” Oikawa shrieks. 

“Too bad.” 

“Why are you even here then?

“Like Oikawa said, I’m pretty but not prettier than him, but more importantly,” he tilts his head toward Akaashi and Kenma, “with those two here, there is bound to be a show.” 

Oikawa, recognizing a losing battle when he sees one, relents. “Fine, Mr. Refreshing, you’re up.” 

“Hmm, okay. Uh, Oikawa, truth or dare?”

“Truth!” Oikawa says, his arms flailing wildly out to either side. 

“Look who's boring now.”

“Iwa-chan said I’m not allowed to pick dares anymore,” Oikawa crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. “Something about me getting too crazy or something, I don’t know.”

“Lmao what did you do?” asks Yaku. 

“Did you just say lmao out loud?” says Sugawara. 

Yaku shrugs. “You gonna tell us or not?” 

“Ugh, fine. Last time Iwa-chan, Makki, Mattsun, and I played, Mattsun dared me to climb the McDonald’s arch, which I totally did, but then I wanted to climb everything. It was like I had this feral, instinctual drive to climb the tallest thing I could find, which happened to be a statue of (something). I got to the top in record time and it was amazing. I could see for miles! The wind in my hair, the glow of the moon on my skin,” he trails off.

“But?”

“But, then I looked down. Mattsun, Makki, and Iwa-Chan were so tiny and I was up so high and I thought that my feet would never grace the stable, consistent, strong earth again. I was alone on Mt. Olympus, my family and friends surely having forgotten me ages ago. There I would rot away until not even my bones remained....

“Then I caught sight of Iwa-chan, Makki, and Mattsun again. Can you believe Makki and Mattsun were laughing so hard that they collapsed into a heap on the ground? Naturally, I realized my actual mortality and freaked out and started crying but instead of climbing down I shrugged and said ‘guess I’ll die.’ 

“Like a guardian angel, Iwaizumi started climbing up the statue. At first, I was so relieved, my knight in shining armor, coming to my rescue, even if he was cursing me the entire way up, but then I panicked more because what if Iwa-chan got to the top and he freaked out too! Iwa-chan would be doomed to die with me and it would be all my fault! As romantic as that sounds, I couldn’t doom my one true love, my knight in shining armor, mi amor, to the same fate as me.

“I started sobbing harder, begging him to turn back, to leave me behind and save himself but loyal to a fault, my dashing Iwa-chan continued on his quest.” 

“Is the end to the story anywhere in our future?” says Yaku.

“Yeah, I still need to try to find where Kuro hid my Switch this time.” 

“Maybe if you didn’t stay up all night playing Animal Crossing he wouldn’t hide it,” says Akaashi. 

“Akaashi, for the fifteenth time, some people do drugs, I play Animal Crossing.” 

“If you’re done,” Oikawa says. “I believe I was telling a story before you so rudely interrupted.” 

“I don’t need to hear the ending to know that Iwaizumi got to the top, smacked you, and then with more kindness than you deserved, guided you back down to safety,” Akaashi says monotone. 

“I resent that you said that. I resent more that you’re right. And I resent it the most because you haven’t even known me for a week _and_ you’re right.” 

“Well that was a wild ride,” Sugawara says. “It doesn’t even feel fair to ask you another truth after that.” 

“Yes, no more please, don’t subject us to any more of _that_ ,” says Kenma.

Oikawa pouts. “Fine, Akaashi, you’re up.” 

“Kenma,” Akaashi says, turning to face him. “Truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“That’s predictable,” Oikawa mutters. 

“A dare is more likely to require me to get up. And I do not want to get up.” 

Oikawa flaps his hand. “Right right.”

“What is the last lie you told and to who?” says Akaashi.  
“This morning, to Kuroo.” 

Akaashi snorts. “And?” 

“He asked if his hair looked okay. I shrugged and said yes but I really think it looked stupid.” 

“Kuroo’s hair looked exactly the same this morning as it always does,” Akaashi says. 

“I know.” 

“Nice,” Yaku says, fisting bumping Kenma. 

Akaashi frowns. “Hm, I was hoping for something more exciting than that.” 

“Sucks,” says Kenma. “Better luck next time.” 

Oikawa looks between the two of them, trying to work out whether Akaashi and Kenma are friends or if only one tiny push away from killing each other at a moment’s notice. He needs more data.

“Okayyyy,” Oikawa says. “Kenma, you’re up.” 

Kenma, unsurprisingly, turns to Akaashi. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” 

Kenma grins but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. His blood runs cold and he’s viscerally glad that he isn’t on the receiving end of that manic expression. 

“What was the most embarrassing moment of your life?”  
Akaashi’s eyes narrow, glaring at Kenma. “Oh, you bitch.”

Kenma shrugs. “I thought you wanted to play dirty.” 

“Fine,” Akaashi crosses his arms over his chest and maintains eye contact with Kenma- like they’re in some kind of competition that only the two of them know the rules for. “My most embarrassing memory is the time Bokuto-san and I were in the equipment closet during last year’s Golden Week training camp.”

“You meant the one where half of Nekoma walked in?” Kenma quirks a brow. 

Akaashi clenches and unclenches his fist, knuckles going white. “Yes.” 

“Remind me, what were you and Bokuto doing _in_ the equipment closet?” 

“I don’t believe that was a part of the original question,” Akaashi says. 

“We’re among friends,” Kenma says. “No need to be so shy.” 

“Like you’re one to talk.” 

“It’s not being shy if you choose not to interact with people.” 

“Alright then, truth or dare, Kenma.” 

“Wait,” Oikawa says. “Someone else is supposed to go now.” 

“No,” Kenma and Akaashi say in unison. 

“Truth, try harder this time.” 

Akaashi cocks his head to the side. It’s unsettling how like Fukurodani’s namesake he looks; a bird of prey. Get wrecked Kenma. 

“Wow,” says Suga. “A lot to unpack here.” 

“It’s more fun when Kuroo and Bokuto are here to egg them on,” Yaku sighs lazily. “But at what cost.” 

“I don’t understand,” Kageyama looks between Akaashi and Kenma, his brows knit together like he’s trying to solve a particularly difficult math question. “Why were they in the equipment closet?” 

“Ah, Tobio-chan, I have missed you,” Oikawa says at the same time that Sugawara says, “don’t worry about it Kageyama, you’ll learn when you’re older.”

“Really?” Tobio asks and his expression is so earnest, so innocent, that Oikawa has half a mind to lie and tell him that yes, he did miss him- missed making fun of him maybe but he’d leave that part out- but his pettiness wins out. 

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’ at the end.

“You guys might as well keep on playing,” Yaku says. “They can’t even hear us now,” he nods his head in the direction of Akaashi and Kenma’s ongoing argument via truth or dare questions. 

“Alright then,” Oikawa says slowly. “Tobio-Chan, truth or dare?” 

“Truth.’ 

Oikawa grins. “Who is your most favorite senpai?”

“Suga-San,” Tobio answers without missing a beat.

“Kageyama,” Sugawara says, holding a hand over his heart. “I’m honored.” 

“Okay, fine, that one I understand. Who is your second favorite senpai?” 

“Iwaizumi-san.”

“Third!”

“Ennoshita-san.”

“Fourth?!”

“Akaashi-san.”

“Tobio-chan, you wound me, what about your fifth favorite senpai?” 

“Kenma-san.”

“Alright,” Sugawara says, his hands up in front of him in what Oikawa assumes is meant to be a placating gesture but it only fires him up more. “I’m to stop you right there or I think we’re going to be here for a very long time.” 

“Sick burn,” Kenma deadpans.

“No, I can’t let this go. Just level with me Tobio-chan and tell me what number I am on your list of favorite senpais.”

“Number 47.”

Yaku snorts. “Wow, who knew Kageyama could be so savage.” 

“What? How? Do you even personally know 47 volleyball players?”

Tobio shrugs. “Do you want the list in descending order or alphabetical?”

Oikawa gapes, mouth hanging open in what he is sure is an unflattering look but he doesn’t have time to worry about such mundane things right now. This is a far more pressing problem. He opens and closes his mouth several times, trying to pull the right words from the recesses of his brain, coming up empty each and every time. 

“I think you broke him,” says Yaku.

“Iwa-Chan told me that if I don’t have anything nice to say then not to say anything at all but Iwa-chan isn’t here right now and you’re a weenie, Tobio-Chan.”

No one moves. No one breathes. 

Yaku, Mr. Refreshing, and even Tobio-chan all double over, clutching their stomachs and laughing hysterically. 

“Wow, you really told him,” Yaku says. 

“Yeah, you better apologize or I’m going to tell Iwaizumi," says Suga.

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

“You want to try me? I have witnesses.” 

From behind him the dull squawking of Akaashi and Kenma’s ongoing pissing contest comes to an abrupt halt. 

“Wow, Oikawa.” Kenma whistles. “I can’t believe you so heartlessly made fun of Tobio to his face. _And_ tripped him. To think you called yourself his senpai.”

“For shame,” Yaku says, shaking his head.

“Aww Kageyama, don’t worry I got you some ice,” Akaashi says in that same monotone voice that’s really starting to grate against Oikawa’s nerves. “I hope he doesn’t have a concussion,” he turns to Sugawara, “Do you think we should take him to Takeda-san just to be sure?” 

Sugawara taps a finger on his chin. “No, but perhaps we should get Daichi,” he says around a smirk.

“Maybe we should get Daichi-san while Suga-san finds Iwaizumi-san. Shouyou told me that Daichi-san is terrifying when he’s angry.”

“These guys are terrifying,” Oikawa stage whispers to Yaku. 

“Yeah,” Yaku sighs. “It’s a good thing they’re on separate teams, otherwise they would be unstoppable.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's to say what Bokuto and Akaashi were up to in that closet 👀


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never have I ever captains style (sort of).

A captains only game night wasn’t high on Daichi’s list of priorities four days into training camp. He’s exhausted, not only from the day and after-hours personal training but also from the seemingly unended fights he’s been roped into breaking up over the last few evenings. 

Daichi appreciates Bokuto and Kuroo as respectable, capable captains on the court, and as new friends off, even Oikawa is growing on him. But the three of them together is a nightmare he’d rather not experience. It’s a relief to find Iwaizumi, Ennoshita, and Tanaka sitting in the circle as well, passing around a 2 liter of coke and a giant bowl of popcorn. As for Hanamaki and Matsukawa, he’s not sure why they’re here but he doesn’t question it too closely; Iwaizumi is filling in for Oikawa who is apparently hosting some kind of setters only game night. Which, now that he thinks about it, is absolutely cause for concern. 

“Wait,” he says, grabbing Ennoshita by the shoulder. “Did Kageyama go to the setters’ game night?”

“Yes,” says Ennoshita, brows pinched together. “Why?” 

“And Suga?” 

“Yes?” Ennoshita says, giving him a weird look. 

He breathes a sigh of relief. With Suga there, he doesn’t need to worry about whatever weird dynamic Kageyama and Oikawa have between them. He doesn’t fully understand it but it makes his hair stand on end. 

“Don’t worry, I told Oikawa if he started anything with Kageyama I’d kill him,” Iwaizumi adds. Somehow that doesn’t make Daichi feel much better about the situation. 

“Don’t be such a worrywart, you’re such a Dad,” says Bokuto.

“I don’t worry that much,” Daichi says. “By the way, how are you guys feeling tonight?” he asks Bokuto and Kuroo. 

“Not a worrier?” Tanaka says, laughing. 

“Oh, shut up,” Daichi says.

“Wah?” says Bokuto, stretching out the syllable until Kuroo elbows him in the side. 

“Remember?” Kuroo hisses. “Last night?”

Daichi is starting to keep a running tally of all the odd stuff that’s been going on the past few weeks, and especially at training camp. This is at the top of his list.

“Right! The Gatorade!” says Bokuto. “Oh, yeah, I’m feeling 100% better. Akaashi checked my temperature and everything.”

Daichi quirks a brow, redirecting his attention to Kuroo. “And you? Did Yaku check your temperature?” 

“Don’t you worry about me,” he leers. 

Daichi shrugs. “How about Oikawa?” 

Iwaizumi snorts. “He’s still the bane of my existence but he’s fine.” 

“Enough of this, time to get down to business. Let’s play never have I ever.” 

Daichi grimaces. This sounds like an absolutely terrible idea. “I thought by game night you meant like, I don’t know, board games.” 

“What was that about not being a dad?” Iwaizumi says. 

“As if you’re one to talk,” Matsukawa says. 

“Yeah, if you aren’t my dad then why did I give you a father’s day card last year?” says Hanamaki. 

“I don’t have to be a dad to think this is a bad idea,” Daichi says. 

“Come on,” Kuroo wraps an arm around Daichi’s shoulders. “It’s just a bit of harmless fun, a totally normal party game.”

“Those sound like some famous last words or a surefire way to start a fistfight.” 

“What?” Kuroo holds a hand to his chest, affronted. “Never. We are captains! Pillars of good sportsmanship and manners- there will be no fistfights here.” 

Daichi frowns, he doesn’t believe him. Not one bit but he finds his place in the circle, fills a cup with Coke, and agrees anyway. 

“Alright,” Kuroo says when they’re assembled in a circle. “I trust you all know the rules.” 

“Who’s going first?” says Bokuto.

“I’ll go,” says Iwaizumi. “Never have I ever skipped school.” 

Kuroo puts a finger down.

“Bro!” says Bokuto. “Why?” 

Kuroo shrugs. “A new game released when Kenma was sick one time so I went instead.”

“Wow bro,” Bokuto sniffles. “You’re such a good bro.” 

“Thanks bro. Go ahead Daichi.” 

“Never have I ever stalked someone on social media.” 

Everyone except for Iwaizumi puts a finger down. 

“Oh, I stalk Hanamaki on the regular,” says Matsukawa, grinning.

“Ditto,” says Hanamaki. “Gotta make sure you’re keeping out of trouble.”

Bokuto goes next. “Never have I ever...” Bokuto trails off, tilting his head at Kuroo. “Spent an entire day watching telenovelas.” 

“That,” says Ennoshita. “Is very specific.” 

Kuroo frowns as he puts down a finger. “Have I mentioned lately that you’re a bitch?” 

”I was just trying to find out if any of our new friends have the same passion for Spanish soap operas as you do. It was a favor, bro.”  
“Whatever you say, bro. I’m going next,” says Kuroo. “Never have I ever sent an inappropriate text to the wrong person,” he gives Bokuto a shit-eating grin. “Now who’s the bitch?” 

Bokuto puts a finger down. “You suck, bro.” 

“You started it, bro.” 

“Never have I ever kissed my best friend,” says Ennoshita.

Daichi, Matsukawa, Iwaizumi, and Hanamaki all put a finger down. Iwaizumi rounds on Hanamaki and Matsukawa, “Excuse me?” 

They shrug simultaneously, “what can we say, oh dear Iwaizumi, life is crazy sometimes,” says Matsukawa. 

Iwaizumi shudders. “I take it back, I don’t actually want to know.”

“Suit yourself,” says Hanamaki.

“Okay, but Bokuto,” says Kuroo, “I’m 100% sure you’ve kissed Akaashi, I was there for the storage room incident.” 

“Bro, Akaashi is my boyfriend but you’re my best friend.” 

“Bro...” 

“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping,” says Matsukawa. 

Kuroo and Tanaka put a finger down. 

“Never have I ever gotten in a fistfight,” says Hanamaki. 

Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Daichi put a finger down. 

“Bullies,” Kuroo says simply. 

“Who’d have the courage to bully you?” says Hanamaki. “You’re a scary dude.”

“They weren’t bullying me and I wasn’t always so good at controlling my anger” he says, arms crossed, ‘I _’m not going to elaborate further’_ goes unspoken _._

“No offense Iwaiuzmi, but somehow that doesn’t surprise me. But _you_ Daichi?” says Bokuto. 

“You guys should have seen it!” Tanaka yells. “It was badASS. Come on Captain, you gotta tell them!” 

“Yeah, Captain, care to explain,” Ennoshita says with a smirk. He’s being played. 

Daichi rubs the back of his neck and laughs awkwardly. He should have just lied. “Uh, it’s a little embarrassing.” Well, maybe not embarrassing. He would do it again without hesitation but still, he doesn’t make a habit of walking around, broadcasting the events of that day. 

Ennoshita snorts and hides a laugh in his hand. “I guess that’s one way of putting it. I’m not sure that embarrassing is how I would describe it though, more like nightmare fuel maybe.” 

Ennoshita and Tanaka are laughing now and Daichi has half a mind to smack them both upside the head. “Nightmarish for the other guys, you mean,” says Tanaka.

“Oh ho ho, sounds like there is a story there.” 

“Oh there’s a story there, alright,” says Ennoshita. They’re not going to let him off the hook. 

Daichi sighs, “I’m not going to be able to weasel my way out of this one, am I?” 

“Nope!” says Tanaka. 

“Come on, Daichi,” Bokuto whines. “Just tell us.” 

“Fine. It’s not that crazy or anything. Some guys were giving a couple of girls some trouble and I- we happened to be walking by. 

“And?” Ennoshita says, grinning again. “Come on, regale your fellow captains with the tales of your heroics.” 

“It wasn’t heroic,” Daichi says and he believes it. “It’s what anyone should do if they’re able.”

“Not the way Suga tells it,” says Tanaka. 

Daichi’s face burns “Anyway, one of the guys started to get really nasty after he realized the girls clearly weren’t interested and I just sort of acted without thinking.” 

“What he means to say,” Ennoshita says looking thoroughly delighted to tell the story.

“Is that he hit the guy with a mean right hook,” Tanaka finishes.

“He definitely deserved it,” Ennoshita says. 

“If Daichi hadn’t done it, another one of us would have.” 

“I still can’t believe he beat you to the punch, no pun intended,” Ennoshita says. “The look on Tanaka’s face was priceless.” 

“Please,” Daichi says holding a hand up, “it wasn’t that big of a deal.” 

Ennoshita and Tanaka ignore him completely. “We’re not even to the best part,” Ennoshita says. He has the grace to look at Daichi for confirmation that it’s alright to continue before divulging the rest of the story. Daichi appreciates the sentiment even if his entire face is turning red from the attention and sheer embarrassment of hearing the story retold. He sighs and gestures for Ennoshita and Tanaka to continue. At least this way _he_ doesn’t have to tell the story.

“Daichi punches the first guy and he goes down,” Ennoshita begins. “He’s not knocked out or anything. Just caught off guard.” 

“He rounds on the other two guys looking like he might rip them apart with his teeth alone.” 

“At this point, the rest of us and the girls catch up,” says Ennoshita. “Daichi is suffocating these guys with the fire in his eyes alone.” 

“The girls take advantage of the situation and stomp on those assholes’ feet with so much force I swear I heard bones crack,” Tanaka wipes a tear from his eye. “Truly amazing.”

“By now the first guy is off the ground and he’s trying to scram so Tanaka cuts him off forcing him to submit to Daichi’s murderous gaze.”

Daichi hides his face in his hands. “I didn’t realize we were going to go through a total play by play. Please,” he begs. “Can we finish this up quickly?” Everyone ignores him. Bokuto and Hanamaki are enraptured by the tale; Kuroo, Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi look on with poorly concealed impressed expressions. 

“Daichi goes full scary dad mode-” Ennoshita continues. 

Tanaka shudders. “A terrifying sight not for the weak of heart.”

“-lecturing these punks like they aren’t worthy enough to be so much as gum stuck to his shoe.” 

“You have the best Daichi impression, Chikara, tell it that way!” 

Ennoshita elbows Tanaka in the side. “Shut. UP!” he hisses. 

Daichi just sighs. “It’s fine. I’m already not going to live this down.” 

“Give us the full experience,” Kuroo says.

“Yeah!” says Bokuto.

Ennoshita glares at Tanaka, “I’ll get you for this later,” he mutters. “Actually,” he smirks. “I could use your help.” Ennoshita stands, dragging Tanaka up with him. “I’m sure you remember the frankly terrified expression on those assholes’ faces,” he says, manhandling him into place. “So just do your best to look like you just pissed your pants and your life is flashing before your eyes.”

“Of course!” Tanaka says too enthusiastically. “Anything for you, Chikara.” 

Ennoshita groans. “Can’t you at least pretend to be put out?” 

“Stop stalling.”

“Fine,” Ennoshita crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Tanaka with impressive ferocity. “What the hell is wrong with you,” Ennoshita says with deadly stillness. “How would you feel to be accosted and harassed by strangers on the street?” 

“We- we - we we’re jus-” Tanaka stammers. 

“No!” Ennoshita snaps. “I don’t want to hear any of you worthless excuses. You were well aware that what you were doing was wrong but you chose to do it anyway. Tell me, what would your mothers think if they saw you here?” 

This is the single worst moment of Daichi’s entire young life. It’s mortifying to watch his own teammates reenact the incident. 

“Apologize!” Ennoshita booms. 

“Hey- no-” Tanaka starts. 

Ennoshita cocks his head to one side and faces him dead in the eyes. “It wasn’t up for debate. Apologize, now.” Tanaka rapidly bows to one in particular before Ennoshita finishes up the scene with “now, get the hell out of here.” 

“Holy shit,” says Bokuto. “You never told us you were badass!” 

“A dad,” Kuroo says. “But a badass nonetheless.”

“Tanaka and Ennoshita are right,” Iwaizumi says. “That was badass.” 

The next few rounds go by quickly. 

“Never have I ever seen a ghost,” says Tanaka. 

Daichi puts down a finger. 

“What?” says Ennoshita.

“You were there,” says Daichi. “And you,” he says to Tanaka. “And you, and you, and you,” he says to Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa. 

“No fair!” Bokuto says. “I want to have a paranormal experience with Dadchi, too!” 

“No,” says Daichi. “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” 

“Uhhh...” Kuroo says, dragging out the sound.

“I saw things,” Daichi says, looking off into the distance. “That day.” 

“That day?” says Iwaizumi. 

“Spring High, Wakutani South,” he pauses. “That was the day I died.” He turns back to the group. “I saw things that day.” 

Next to Ennoshita, Tanaka turns pale. 

“You okay?” Ennoshita asks. 

Tanaka starts shaking. “Daichi-san,” he says. 

Daichi drags out the moment, letting Tanaka sweat it out a bit. 

“Umm,” says Ennoshita. “Daichi?” 

Daichi slaps Tanaka on the shoulder and laughs. “Relax, it was just payback for the fistfight story.” 

Tanaka swallows. “Right,” he says but he doesn’t look convinced. “Let’s keep going.”

“Uh, never have I ever eaten food from the floor,” Iwaizumi says.

Matsukawa, Tanaka, and Bokuto put down a finger. 

“Gross,” says Iwaizumi. Matsukawa shrugs. 

“Never have I ever stolen something,” says Daichi. 

Bokuto, Kuroo, and Hanamaki put down a finger. 

“Bro, what did you steal?” 

“Akaashi’s heart,” Bokuto says. “What about you?” 

Kuroo smirks. “Kenma’s PS4 controller.” 

“Makki?” says Matsukawa. 

“I steal one of Oikawa’s hair products every opportunity I get.” 

“I fucking knew it was one of you,” says Iwaizumi. 

“Never have I ever snuck out on a school night,” says Bokuto.

Everyone puts down a finger. 

“Never have I ever cheated on a test,” says Kuroo.

Nobody puts down a finger. 

“Never have I ever had a crush on a teacher.” 

Ennoshita puts down a finger.

Daichi tilts his head to the side, silently inquiring _care to elaborate_? 

“Spill it,” says Tanaka. 

Ennoshita grins. “My entire class was in love with our second-grade teacher, what else can I say?” 

“Never have I ever lost a bet,” says Matsukawa. 

Bokuto and Kuroo put down a finger. 

“Don’t ever play games of chance with Akaashi or Kenma,” Kuroo says. 

Bokuto shudders. “You will not win.” 

Daichi does not doubt that. 

“Never have I ever cheated,” says Hanamaki. 

“Didn’t we do that one already?” Daichi says. 

“Sorry, let me rephrase, never have I ever cheated on a partner.” 

No one puts a finger down. The game pauses, everyone’s gaze settles on Daichi. The moment drags on and Daichi can’t help like he’s in a bad American cowboy movie. “Uh, guys?” 

Kuroo breaks the silence with a laugh and slaps Daichi on the back. “Alright,” Kuroo says. “Tanaka, looks like you’re up again.”

“Never have I ever gotten stitches.” 

Bokuto and Iwaizumi put a finger down. 

“This is why Oikawa isn’t allowed to pick dare in truth or dare anymore,” says Iwaizumi. He doesn’t elaborate further. 

“Never have I ever eaten an entire pizza,” says Iwaiuzumi. 

Bokuto, Hanamaki, and Ennoshita put down a finger. 

“Never have I ever read someone else’s diary,” says Daichi.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa put down a finger. Iwaizumi glares at them with something between disappointment, annoyance, and frustration. “Dare I ask?” he sighs. 

“For 2000 yen we’ll happily divulge any info you please from Oikawa’s diary,” says Hanamaki. 

“And for 100,000 yen, we’ll tell you where it’s hidden,” adds Matsukawa.

Iwaizumi grimaces and smacks both of them upside the head. 

Bokuto goes next. “Never have I ever gotten on the wrong train.” 

Matsukawa, Ennoshita, and Daichi put down a finger. 

“Never have I ever lied about where I was going,” says Kuroo.

Iwaizumi puts a finger down.

“Never have I ever fallen asleep on the train,” says Ennoshita.

Bokuto and Matsukawa put down a finger. 

“Never have I ever cried during a movie,” says Matsukawa. 

Bokuto, Ennoshita, and Hanamaki put down a finger. 

“Well bro,” says Kuroo, slapping Bokuto on the shoulder. “Looks like you lost.”

“Ugh, I always lose.” 

“Better luck next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)


	7. The War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get wrekt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to throw out here that the boys are gonna play some dodgeball but they describe it as if it is a literal war. In case anyone isn't comfortable with descriptions of "death" even though they are totally fine.

**18 Days Post Incident, 10:17pm**

**Iwaizumi:** I don’t buy it

 **Ennoshita:** ???

 **Iwaizumi:** after spending a few days with the guy, I just don’t think Sawamura seems like the type to cheat

 **Kinoshita:** I’m not really convinced by the evidence either...

 **Narita:** same

 **Tanaka:** WHAT

 **Ennoshita:** Tanaka, calm down it’s too late for that volume

 **Noya:** WE’RE TEXTING

 **Tanaka:** YEAH CHIKARA WHY DOES IT MATTER

 **Ennoshita:** i’ll end you

 **Tanaka:** oH YEAH

 **Noya:** he can’t take BOTH OF US

 **Ennoshita: 😎** try me bitch

**Tanaka: ☠️**

**Noya: 😈**

**Iwaizumi:** i’m starting to feel weird about all of this. Like I said, I don’t think he’s cheating on Sugawara

 **Bokuto:** we’ve been saying that since the beginning by my #1 pupil saw what he saw

 **Kuroo** : yeh, can’t explain that away

 **Oikawa** : what’s makes you so sure Sawamura is innocent

 **Iwaizumi:** the man cared enough about you idiots to take your temperature and bring you Gatorade. Seems too kind-hearted to me to do something so terrible and sneaky.

 **Matsukawa:** i’m going to have to side with Iwaizumi on this one

 **Oikawa:** wow, Hanamaki, are you going to stab me in the back too

 **Oikawa:** if so pls get it over with now 

**Iwaizumi:** why are you like

 **Kuroo:** shut up, I love this show

 **Oikawa:** a three for one

 **Oikawa:** betrayed by my husband, my son, just kill me now

 **Hanamaki:** actually, I think I’m with you 

**Oikawa** : oh, I guess I can go on living then

 **Kuroo:** my my my how the tables have tabled 

**Kuroo:** what’s the next step in the plan @kenma @akaashi

 **Akaashi:** considering we haven’t been able to find any scrap of proof for our current hypothesis

 **Kenma:** we’re leaning toward abandoning the hypothesis entirely

 **Tanaka:** translation please

 **Kenma:** we also don’t think Daichi is cheating on Sugawara

 **Tanaka** : just wait a minute

 **Kuroo** : IVE BEEN BETRAYED

 **Bokuto:** AKAASHI

 **Yaku:** lol rip

 **Akaashi:** Bokuto-san, please calm down 

**Kenma:** yeh Kuroo I thought Sawamura was supposed to be your friend

 **Kenma:** do you really think he did it? 

**Kuroo:** DONT ASK STUPID QUESTIONS

 **Kenma:** pls I know your last remaining brain cell is lonely in there but just try to use it this once

 **Bokuto:** kenma that was so cold!!

 **Tsukishima:** lol

 **Akaashi:** Sawamura is supposed to be your friend too Bokuto-san

 **Oikawa:** well what about Mr. Refreshing

 **Hanamaki:** yeah!

 **Oikawa:** what if Daichi really is cheating on Mr. Refreshing and we just let it go on WHEN WE KNOW IT'S HAPPENING

 **Hanamaki:** ISNT THAT EQUALLY FUCKED UP

 **Matsukawa:** yes, if he was cheating on him

 **Iwaizumi:** but he’s not so it’s a non issue

 **Hinata:** I know what I saw

 **Kageyama:** but do you though????

 **Tsukishima:** ditto

 **Noya:** did Tsukishima

 **Narita:** just agree

 **Kinoshita:** with Kageyama

 **Noya:** we’ve reached the end of times

 **Hinata:** what are you saying

 **Kageyama:** i’m saying that I don’t care that you saw daichi-san in the hallway

 **Kageyama:** i don’t think he’s cheating

 **Hinata:** why don’t you say that to my face

 **Hinata** : c o w a r d

 **Kageyama:** we’re in the same room

 **Hinata:** BLOCKED

 **Ennoshita:** everyone needs to calm the fuck down

 **Oikawa:** I AM CALM

 **Iwaizumi:** the man said to CALM DOWN SHITTYKAWA

 **Iwaizumi:** he already has to deal with his own team don’t make it harder for him

 **Oikawa:** I CANT HELP THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DUMB (except u hanamaki you’re an angel and i’m thrilled ur here)

 **Hanamaki:** <3

 **Matsukawa:** ew

 **Bokuto:** it’s okay bro we got you

 **Kuroo:** yeah!

 **Oikawa:** hear that Iwa-chan!! I don’t need you anymore. same to you Mattsun

 **Iwaizumi:** take him

 **Matsukawa:** free at last

 **Hanamaki:** ur dicks

 **Matsukawa:** maybe so 

**Ennoshita:** don’t you think you’re taking this a bit too far

 **Tanaka** : Chikara. Our precious vice-captain, our #1 cheerleader, the heart and soul of our team, Sugawara Koushi

 **Tanaka:** WAS BETRAYED IDC IF WE HAVE enough evidence he’s going down!!

 **Noya:** we’re gonna get that no good 

**Tanaka:** dirty rotten

 **Noya:** two timing

 **Tanaka:** cheating

 **Noya:** captain

 **Ennoshita:** please

 **Ennoshita:** for me

 **Ennoshita:** just sleep on it

 **Ennoshita:** we can pick up this conversation tomorrow

**Ennoshita: 19 Days Post Incident**

Sweat clings to his hair, his skin, even his eyelashes. His chest heaves from the continued exertion as he runs across the impromptu battlefield, tearing apart fight after flight. It’s all in vain anyway, for every fight he breaks up, two more erupt in its place. His back hits the wall and he slides down landing with an undignified “oof.” He wipes his brow with the hem of his tee-shirt and revels in the cool tiled wall pressed against his back. 

A few feet away Akaashi hovers over Bokuto like an angel of death- it’s far scarier than it has any right to be. Ennoshita shivers. To his left Matsukawa and Hanamaki lay side by side having created some kind of pact to take each other out simultaneously rather than truly right in this war of “brother against brother.” Somewhere in the distance, Oikawa shrieks before abruptly getting cut off, undoubtedly by Iwaizumi.

“You know there is probably somebody who can solve this, right?” 

Ennoshita jumps. “Where did you come from?” 

Yamaguchi shrugs. “Don’t you think it’s time to just call him?” he says as Tsukishima saunters up as well. 

“As much as I am enjoying the spectacle, I agree with Yamaguchi. It’s probably better to end this before any of the coaches hear about it.” 

Yamaguchi beams, “thanks Tsukki!” 

Tsukishima pushes his glasses up his nose and mutters, “shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“You’re right,” Ennoshita says after a moment. “I’ll call Suga.” 

**-Two Hours Earlier-**

**Oikawa**

Betrayal always comes from where least expected. Today is no different. Oikawa is, surprisingly, calm. He sits with his shoulders back and hands folded carefully in front of him. Iwa-chan couldn’t be any further opposite if he tried. A scowl darkens his face, his arms crossed over his chest. 

It’s a betrayal of the worst sort. His knight in shining armor, his love, his ace... his betrayer. Despite the pain, he plasters on a sickly sweet smile and shoulders on. “So you’re just going to sit there and tell me that I’m wrong?” Oikawa shrieks.

“YES!”

**Akaashi**

Bokuto-san weakness #37: he easily gets caught up in the concerns of others. 

“But Akaashi, what if he is cheating on Suga. We can’t just standby and let it happen! Suga is such a good person!” 

Bokuto-san weakness #42: he can be too trusting (perhaps, even too gullible). 

“Bokuto-san, what evidence do we have that Sawamura-san is cheating on Sugawara-san?

“Hinata saw Daichi! You heard him!” 

Bokuto-san weakness #29: he doesn’t know when to quit. 

“Are you mad?” Bokuto asks. 

“Why would I be mad? My own boyfriend doesn’t believe me but he believes KUROO and OIKAWA!” 

“... Okay but you sound mad.” 

**Kenma**

This entire charade is beginning to grow tiring. If Kuroo hadn’t hidden his PSP for the fifth time this week then he’d be holed up somewhere, just him and a game. Regardless of whether he wants to be here or not, it still doesn’t change his opinion on the matter. 

“You’re wrong,” Kuroo says. 

“No, you’re wrong,” says Kenma.

“Am not."

“Are too.”

...

“Am not!”

“ARE TOO!” 

**Matsukawa**

Matsukawa changed his tune on Sawamura’s innocence quite early in the game. At first, he wasn’t quite sure if his obliviousness in the face of their blatant attempts at flirting was genuine or not; but now he has no doubt. Sawamura is an honest guy and, as fun as this game has been, it’s gone on for far too long. Now if only Hanamaki would agree. 

“Are you calling me a liar?!” Hanamaki shrieks. 

“I ain’t calling you a truther,” says Matsukawa. 

**-Present-**

**Bokuto**

Through the haze he spots them- there’s no music playing so why can he hear music? An intense instrumental piece heavy with percussion and strings follows Akaashi and Kenma as they stalk closer. It only takes one look and he knows he’s done for. Alone they’re formidable; together, they’re unstoppable. 

He reaches out, wildly groping for Kuroo’s sleeve to get his attention before it’s too late. Kuroo pales when he spots them. Bokuto and Kuroo turn to run but it’s too late. Kenma is on Kuroo in a flash, taking him out with a swift kick behind the knees and sending him tumbling down to the ground. Kenma hovers over him. Bokuto shrieks. 

“Et tu, Brute?” says Kuroo.

“Stop! Quoting! Fucking! Shakespeare!” Kenma raises his dodgeball over behind his head. 

“Do you bite your thumb at me?” 

“AGH,” Kenma’s arms snap forward, releasing the ball straight into Kuroo’s chest. 

“Ooof,” Kuroo groans. “To sleep... perchance to dream.” 

Kenma looks around wildly, spotting Akaashi, he signals for another ball. As graceful now, in this war, as he is on the court, Akaashi tosses Kenma another ball. He raises this one too, poised to strike Kuroo a second time. 

“Kenma omg, please, he’s dead already!” Bokuto yells. 

Kenma considers this then climbs over Kuroo’s body to hand the ball back to Akaashi. It’s at that moment that Bokuto realizes he has made a mistake. 

“Bokuto-san, has it really come to this?” Akaashi rolls the ball back and forth in his hands.

Bokuto grimaces and starts to walk backward, away from Akaashi, away from the carnage. His back hits the wall. He’s done for. Cornered. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Akaashi.” 

“I thought you loved me,” Akaashi says simply.

Bokuto pales. “OF COURSE I D-” the ball strikes him in the chest. He crumples against the wall. Betrayed.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto moans from the floor. “Why?” 

“Bokuto-san weakness number 69- he’s sentimental.” 

**Hanamaki**

War is hell. At least that’s what they say in movies. But with balls ricocheting off bodies and the screams of the fallen hanging in the air, he’s inclined to think that even wars fought in gyms with dodgeballs are hellish. To no one’s surprise, Oikawa wastes no time egging Iwaizumi on. The three of them might make of Iwaizumi mercilessly for his comparatively short stature but what he lacks in height he makes up for in speed and stamina. He has Oikawa cornered in minutes. 

“We meet at dawn guns drawn,” Oikawa soliloquies. 

“For the love of god, why are you quoting Hamilton right now.” 

“He aims up into the sky, wai-”

Iwaizumi strikes him in the chest point-blank. Oikawa falls.

“I imagine death so much it feels like a memory. Is this where it gets me?” 

“You’re supposed to shut up once you die.” 

“Can’t you just let me have a moment this one time?” 

Hanamaki turns away from the scene. It’s too much to bear. 

“This war is hell,” comes a voice from behind him. Mattsun. “He nods without turning around. “Brother against brother. Teammate against teammate,” he pauses. “It doesn’t have to be this way.” 

Hanamaki’s shoulders shake with the weight of this unbearable burden upon them. “What do you mean,” he whispers. A gentle hand clasps his shoulder. Peace crashes over him in waves. His shoulders relax, the tension draining out of him at last. Maybe it doesn’t have to be this way.

“I don’t want to fight you, Mattsun. I don’t want to fight in this war anymore.” Mattsun’s grip on his shoulder tightens briefly. _I know, me too_ goes unspoken. 

“But we’ve made our bed,” Hanamaki says, turning around at last. “And now we have to lie in it.” 

“Shall we then?” 

Hanamaki nods. 

They grip their dodgeballs in hand, arms wound back and poised to strike. 

“One,” says Mattsun.

“Two,” says Hanamaki.

“Three,” they say together. 

He launches his ball. Not a moment later he’s struck by Mattsun’s. In the distance, or perhaps it’s all in his head, he hears angels singing, gods weeping. They fall to the floor, hands mere centimeters apart from the other. So close and yet so far. With his last breath, he sighs, content...... he cracks one eye open. 

They fist bump. “Nice,” they say before letting their arms fall limply back to the floor. 

**Noya**

An eagle caws. A harmonica trills. A tumbleweed passes between them. “Well boys,” he says. “It looks like we’ve got ourselves a good old American Western showdown.” They square off; Narita and Kinoshita on one side, Tanaka and Noya on the other. 

“Has it really come to this?” Narita says. 

“Half the second years against the other half?” Kinoshita adds.

“The time for talking is over,” Noya says. “Prepare to get wrecked.” He winds his arm back in one fluid motion.

“HOLD IT!” shouts a newcomer. Chikara rushes between them- the leader of the second years. 

“Stay out of this, Chikara,” says Tanaka. 

“Yeah,” says Noya. “Some battles have to be fought.”

“Please can we leave the dramatics at home just once?” Chikara begs. “Once is all I am asking for.”

“You’re going to be disappointed then,” Noya says, launching the ball at Narita. He ducks. 

“Nice try.” 

“Why do I even bother,” says Chikara. 

“You better move, Chikara,” Tanaka winds up. “I wouldn’t want an innocent bystander to get caught up in this.” 

Chikara sighs. He ducks Tanaka’s throw, grimacing when it strikes Kinoshita instead. Tanaka bowls oer in a fit of laughter, completely missing the attack being launched by Narita. It strikes Tanaka in the shoulder before ricocheting and striking Noya as well. 

“Another one bites the dust,” says Narita. “Now, remind me, what was that about getting wrecked?” he says grinning. 

**Suga**

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Suga mutters to himself. 

Suga has more than a bad feeling about this. Mutters to himself 

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” says a voice from the shadows. Yaku emerges from the darkness, placing himself between the door and Suga.

“It’s just a dodgeball game that got out of hand right? That’s what Ennoshita said.” 

Yaku shrugs. “I guess you could say that. Before you go in there, I just want you to know that you’re the only bitch I ever respected. Oh, and, if you need an alibi for anything, let me know.” 

“Thank you?”

“For the record, I know Sawamura is innocent. I hope they haven’t killed or seriously maimed him yet. Godspeed.”

Suga wasn't sure what to expect but this definitely wasn’t it. The scene in the gym is somewhere between a poorly produced war movie and a fifth-grade gym class. Dodgeballs litter the ground between the people collapsed in heaps on the floor. Suga can’t delineate between teams or even if there are any actual rules to the game. It is clear that the game is waning; only four are left standing other than Ennoshita: Narita, Kageyama, Iwaizumi, Akaashi, and Kenma. He scans the bodies littering the floor and spots Tanaka, Noya, and Kinoshita together surrounded by others from Aobjousai, Fukurodani, and Nekoma. 

“Where is Hinata?” he says. 

Kageyama looks around uneasily, wringing his hands and looking between Suga, the gym, and back again. It’s a toss-up between whether he’s guilty or genuinely nervous. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since Kenma took his ball to hit Kuroo-san a second time.” 

“Was he quoting Shakespeare again?” asks Akaashi. Kenma nods. “He had it coming then.” 

“What kind of dodgeball game is this?” says Suga.

“WAHHH!!!” Hinata charges from seemingly nowhere. “This is no game!” he screeches. “This is war!” He jumps. “Long. Live. The KING!!” Kageyama tries to evade Hinata’s sneak attack but it’s futile. The dodgeball connects with Kageyama’s shoulder. He goes down, landing gracelessly at Suga’s feet. 

Renewed determination blazes in Narita, Iwaizumi, Akaashi, and Kenma’s eyes, a reflection of their commitment to whatever twisted game Suga’s walked in on. Iwaizumi tosses Kenma a ball. “Someone has to do it,” he says. 

Hinata, resigned to his fate, stands perfectly still, an easy target. He watches Kenma roll the ball back and forth in his hands. “Shoot me,” Hinata says, voice steady.

Kenma looks at the ball, grimaces, then drops it. “I... I can’t do it.” 

“Wait a fucking minute,” Kuroo says, rising from among the dead. “You can’t hit him but you hit me twice! Me, your best friend since childhood? You probably gave Bokuto nightmares forcing him to witness that.” 

“Akaashi is my best friend now,” Kenma says. “And no, I can’t have Shouyou’s blood on my hands. Not in dodgeball.” 

Akaashi shrugs. He scoops up Kenma’s dropped ball. “I can,” he says without feeling. “Close your eyes if you want, Kenma.” He nails Hinata right in the chest. “It’s over. We won. Someone ought to let Sawamura out of the equipment closet.”  
“What the- wait, you locked Daichi in a closet? That’s why I haven’t been able to find him all evening?” Suga whirls around. 

Ennoshita flinches. “I lost all control of the situation a long time ago.” 

“Number one,” Suga says. “One of you is going to take me to wherever Daichi is, what, being held? Number two: after freeing him, one of you is going to explain to me what the hell is going on. Number three is still up in the air but there is a significant chance it will end in all of your destruction.”

**Daichi**

Daichi is no worse for wear when released from the closet. Kuroo and Bokuto, upon effectively kidnapping him just after dinner ended, locked him up in the equipment closet with Kenma's PSP, a few games, and plenty of snacks. Was it the ideal way to spend his evening? No, but it could have been a lot worse too. 

“See!” Kuroo says. “No harm, no foul.” 

Daichi has to stifle a laugh when he catches sight of Suga; if the expression on Suga’s face is anything to go by, he’s not buying it. 

“Alright,” says Suga. “Who is going to bite the bullet and explain what is going on?” 

Ever reliable, Ennoshita steps forward. “Due to some, uh, evidence, we were under the impression that,” he glances briefly between Daichi and Suga, “Daichi might have been cheating on you.”  
Suga says nothing, he gestures for him to continue. 

“Before we told you about it though, we decided to try to confirm that the evidence was true to avoid the whole ‘boy who cried wolf’ issue. The dodgeball war was the result of infighting after weeks of trying to figure out if it was true or not.”  
“And? How did it go from corroborating evidence to a literal war? Wait-” he pauses. “What evidence did you even have?”

Ennoshita briefly reviews The Incident and the rabbit holes that led them to this moment as they free Daichi from an equipment closet. When it’s all said and done Suga’s face is rapidly switching between several expressions; none of them are particularly better or less frightening than the preceding. 

“Suga,” says Daichi after a moment. It really isn't that big of a deal. 

Suga holds up a hand. “Hold on, I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to kill them or not- no, I’ve decided,” he cracks a smile and starts laughing. “You better start running,” he says between giggles, “because once I’m done laughing about how stupid you all are, there won’t be anywhere you can hide where I won’t find you.” 

“Wait,” Bokuto says. “How can you know for sure that we’re wrong?” 

Suga and Daichi share a look.

_Are you gonna tell them?_

Daichi shrugs. _It's all you._

“Did you even consider if it was me?” Suga asks.

“Huh?” says Hinata.

“It was me,” Suga says, still laughing. “In the hallway. You know, the hallway, under the cover of darkness, it was me kissing Daichi against a locker. This whole thing is kind of endearing in a way but then you had to go and lock Daichi in a closet.” Suga cracks his knuckles. “Last chance to start running.” 

“Wait,” Daichi says, grabbing Suga’s shoulder. “Before you kill them, can I say something?” Suga nods. 

The crowd tenses. “I am,” Daichi pauses. “So proud of you," he wipes away a tear. The growth, the development, the team building, it's all he could have hoped for, and more. 

“Excuse me?” Suga says. 

“Suga, they raised an army against me. And neither of us even noticed. They have been planning this for _weeks_ and not a single one of them let the cat out of the bag. This is why we come to these training camps, not just to get better at volleyball but also to encourage teamwork and communication. I’d say they knocked that second part out of the water. Come on,” he nudges Suga in the side. “Don’t tell me you aren’t just the tiniest bit proud of our crows.” 

“Fine. But this doesn’t change anything.” Daichi didn't expect it would if he's honest with himself. 

“Naturally,” Daichi says. He grabs Suga around the middle and pulls him into a hug, chest to back. It takes all of half a second before Suga is struggling against him.

"Daichi, if you won't defend your honor, then I WILL. Let me go, Sawamura Daichi!" 

“Alright,” he says with a smile to the crowd, “I can’t hold him back forever- RUN!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on twitter!](https://twitter.com/pancakesurprisd)
> 
> ANYWAY I really need to thank my friend, ghostystarr, for literally being the best friend in the world (for helping me bullshit lines and ideas all the time, listening to me ramble about semi-coherent story lines, and just always being that supportive bitch we all need in our lives). 
> 
> Also thank you to a-kaash-me-outside for beta-ing and being just as excited as I was for the story and the milestone of getting to 20k. It really means a lot!

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr @pancake-surprise  
> Or on twitter @pancakesurprisd


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